Scattered Itinerant

Junk

2010-09-18T17:44:00.004-06:00

There are times when I feel the presence and conviction of God in little glimpses. The tender whispers, gentle rebukes, and momentary revelations of the evil in my heart. Then there are times when it seems like the Lord flips on the light in the junk room.

You all know the room I'm talking about. Maybe you don't have a room in your house, but maybe it's a drawer. It's the place you hope your guests don't peek into after a frenzied rush to try to clean the rest of your house. The junk spot is the place that continually makes it on your "To Do" list, but overwhelms you just jotting the task down on paper.

If a friend were to see it they would know that you may not just have it all together. That the organized and put together facade you put on may not be the complete story. If they peeked into the closed-off space they may find things you meant to get to but didn't, things you should not have bought but did, and dust and/or cobwebs that you did not know you had allowed to accumulate.

A while back the Lord began to knock on the door to this room. I heard the rapping for years, but could not bring myself to open up the closed off space. In gentleness, the Spirit began to speak to me. "He is enough. Put my trust in Him."

While I only intended to crack open the door it flung open wide, and God turned on the light. In the darkness my fear of man hid. Never would I have admitted to the clutter and junk this room had in it, but God's sweet promises whispered of my freedom, renewal, and hope in my exposure.

Inside of the darkest room of my heart was a terrible fear of man. For years I constantly obsessed over what people thought of me as a friend, wife, mother, Christian, and family member. The fear progressed into social anxiety, and I no longer wanted to dress the way I loved to, speak in front of groups, or hang out with multiple people at once. Dreams I had diminished, and slowly I started agreeing to things and taking on responsibilities that I once would not have felt obligated to do. The bold personality I once had was exchanged for sinful desire to be accepted and affirmed.

While I was desperately trying to hold it together on the outside, I was creating a bigger mess in that chaotic corner of my heart. Sure I played with my children, served my husband, cooked, cleaned, and taught homeschooling lessons, but the terrible fear and insecurity that gripped -still grips- me was consuming.

This blog is me turning on the light for the world to see. I know I'm not the only one with clutter in their hearts that they hope no one else sees. Moment-by-moment the Lord is reminding me of His sufficiency. The work I do is not done in my own strength. Whatever beauty I hold is His creation. The clothes that adorn my body are decoration not a definition. My children grow, learn, and obey by His will alone. What fear can I have when I realize everything I do and experience is by God's mercy and grace.

There is hope for me - for all of us. He is enough. So boldly I say, "The Lord is our Helper." (Heb 13:6)

"The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in Lord is safe." Proverbs 29:25

Energy

2010-08-27T12:50:00.003-06:00

Each finger painting, playing-with-dolls, dinosaur attack and laughing spell that comes my way I want to savor. In a clean house. School is home for us, and I want to embrace it. While having a moment to myself. As Brandon pursues I long to respond. After getting all of my other "duties" done.

So it is. My desires are at war within me, and I am learning I cannot do and have it all. Ideals have to be let go. I am okay with that as I understand I am not on my own.

Colossians 1:29 says, " Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is in Christ's afflictions for the sake of His body, that is, the church, of which I became a minister according to the stewardship from God that was given to me for you, to make the word of God fully known the mystery hidden for ages and generations but now revealed to His saints. To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone will all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. For this I toil, struggling with all His energy that He powerfully works within me."

His grace is enough. He works in me to enable to do what I am called to do. Even in my weakness. The Lord has shown me that I need people, and their gifts and talents. It is not a mark of my shortcomings, but a sign of how God created us to have a healthy dependence on people. God has not called me to be a loving wife and mother, a teacher, friend, or shepherd to leave me to figure it out on my own. He powerfully works within me. Grace.

Rejoice

2010-07-02T19:51:00.002-06:00

"In summer and in winter shall it be."

Zechariah 14:8

The streams of living water which flow from Jerusalem are not dried up by the parching heats of sultry midsummer any more than they were frozen by the cold winds of blustering winter. Rejoice, O my soul, that thou art spared to testify of the faithfulness of the Lord. The seasons change and thou changest, but thy Lord abides evermore the same, and the streams of His love are as deep, as broad and as full as ever. The heats of business cares and scorching trials make me need the cooling influences of the river of His grace; I may go at once and drink to the full from the inexhaustible fountain, for in summer and in winter it pours forth its flood. The upper springs are never scanty, and blessed be the name of the Lord, the nether springs cannot fail either. Elijah found Cherith dry up, but Jehovah was still the same God of providence. Job said his brethren were like deceitful brooks, but he found his God an overflowing river of consolation. The Nile is the great confidence of Egypt, but its floods are variable; our Lord is evermore the same. By turning the course of the Euphrates, Cyrus took the city of Babylon, but no power, human or infernal, can divert the current of divine grace. The tracks of ancient rivers have been found all dry and desolate, but the streams which take their rise on the mountains of divine sovereignty and infinite love shall ever be full to the brim. Generations melt away, but the course of grace is unaltered. The river of God may sing with greater truth than the brook in the poem—-

"Men may come, and men may go,
But I go on for ever."

How happy art thou, my soul, to be led beside such still waters! never wander to other streams, lest thou hear the Lord's rebuke, "What hast thou to do in the way of Egypt to drink of the muddy river?"

Morning and Evening
Charles H. Spurgeon
July 1, 2010

Opportunity

2010-07-01T11:06:00.003-06:00

What made me come back to my blog nearly a year after my last post? It hasn't happened too many times in my life, but occasionally the Lord brings someone into my life that I know "gets me." This past weekend was one of those times.

A precious friend of mine, Elyse, had a baby shower on Saturday. Elyse's variety of friends is a convicting picture of what the body of Christ looks like. The Harlows are some of the most amazing people one could know, and their home is open to anyone. (Just know that you will probably end up talking about Jesus and natural childbirth.)

While at the baby shower I met Dawn. She is strikingly beautiful, animated, passionately in love with Jesus, and covered in tattoos. We started talking about embroidery, and ended up discussing our shockingly similar stories. After hours of conversation, I was reminded that God is not a respecter of people, and that the church is larger than those I worship with on Sundays. I also walked away convicted to not be timid in sharing what I know to be true of God, and challenged to start writing again.

I am thankful that the Lord has opened my eyes to see the beauty of opportunity. Opportunities to grow, to nurture, to love, to weed-out, to stumble, and to learn. I am so thankful for old and new friends that point me towards Christ.

HAPPY (belated) Birthday, Selah Girl!

2009-09-30T20:12:00.004-06:00

Our vivacious blue eyed girl turned one nearly a month ago. The joy, hope, and healing she has brought has been altogether unexpected. Times spent with my daughter have been some of the most extraordinary moments I have had. Her silliness, laughter, and personality are unmatched, and watching her is a daily indulgence. I cannot wait to see her grow into the beautiful young lady God has created her to be.

Happy 1st Birthday, Selah Raelle!

Whew...

2009-09-30T20:08:00.003-06:00

There's so much to write, and such little time to sit down and do so. My mind spins until I remember to breathe. "Rejoice" rings in my ears followed by a smile sweeping across my face. A gracious God stills my heart and the clock still ticks.

Simple Pleasures

2009-08-11T07:17:00.004-06:00

Yesterday was a busy day. Not busy chaotic, but rather big "to-do list" crazy. Before 11 a.m. I had completed my list of chores, put dinner in the crockpot, fed, bathed, and dressed the kids, and mowed the lawn. By 3 p.m. three loads of laundry were done, banana bread was baked, circle time with my lovelies was completed, and the boys and I made cookie dough.

After the jam-packed day, imagine the sweet surprise that a last minute invite to get together with friends for dinner brought to my afternoon! The boys ran through the courtyard, Selah roamed in a new walker, and Brandon and I sat back with some amazing people realizing that these are the moments to treasure.

(Isn't Lindey's new iPhone app awesome? It takes four pictures back-to-back and puts them in a collage. Very cool.)

Confession of a Wandering Heart

2009-08-05T06:26:00.003-06:00

There are days when I wonder what we got ourselves into, and question if there will be relief. I distract myself from reality by dreaming of far off homes with acreage, streaming water, and livestock. Or a home in the Pacific Northwest where the mountains meet the water, and the outdoor adventures are endless. Some days I imagine a bungalow in Chicago within walking distance, or a train ride, of great food and entertainment. Comfort is found in the places unknown until I realize what I'm faced with. Discontentment.

Precious time is wasted imagining the job transfers, new homes, and awaited change. My heart is longing for the contentment that only the Creator can give. My life is filled with moments, things, and people to be thankful for. And I am.

I am thankful for a loving and hardworking husband. For little superheros running through my house with "hand-gloves" on. My heart flutters to hear the early morning babbles coming from a magenta crib. While my hands clean our little home, I am beyond satisfied that there is less to clean leaving more time for play. I am humbled to have friends that take time to get to know me, and still love me once they see my flaws. More than anything I'm in awe of a gracious God that is refining me.

Follow Your Heart

2009-06-18T08:50:00.002-06:00

Our family was walking with a family friend the other day, and while I don't remember the context in which it was said, this friend said something that has given me much to think about. He said something along the lines of, "Follow your heart - yeah I'll follow my sinful heart." At the time I joked that it was the revelation of the day, but the day has turned into several days.

How many times have I heard "follow your heart" or "what do you feel in your gut?" If I truly believe that Scripture is infallible then I know that I cannot trust in my heart or my own plans to lead me. The reality of this makes me run hard and fast to Jesus, because I know apart from Him there is no goodness.

Jeremiah 17:9-10: "The human mind is more deceitful than anything else. It is incurably bad. Who can understand it? I, the Lord, probe into people’s minds. I examine people’s hearts. And I deal with each person according to how he has behaved. I give them what they deserve based on what they have done."

Ecclesiastes 9:3: "This is the unfortunate thing about everything that happens on earth: the same fate awaits everyone; The hearts of all people are full of evil, and there is madness in their hearts during their lives—then they die."

Matthew 15: 18-20: "But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these things defile a person. For out of the heart come evil ideas, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are the things that defile a person; it is not eating with unwashed hands that defiles a person.”

There is hope:

Psalm 25:8: "Good and upright is the LORD; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways."

Nahum 1:7: "The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; He knows those who take refuge in Him."

Zechariah 9:17 For how great is his goodness, and how great his beauty! Grain shall make the young men flourish, and new wine the young women."

Exodus 34:6: "And the LORD passed by before him, and proclaimed, The LORD, The LORD God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in goodness and truth"

You Must Suffer - John Piper

2009-02-24T21:55:00.001-06:00

It's Good. We're Good.

2009-02-11T15:35:00.002-06:00

The last couple of blogs have sparked some phone calls and emails wondering if Brandon and I are okay. We're at a strange impasse in our marriage. Life with 3 kids is hard. Being a Godly wife is a challenge. As a husband, I'm sure leading a family is difficult. It seems as though we're growing up, and putting our childish ways behind us. After five years of marriage I guess it's about time.

The Lord has been revealing a lot to me over the last two months, and I'm starting to feel the walls around my heart crumble. For years there has been a deep rooted desire to submit to my husband; however, the idea of "submitting" made the feminist in me rear it's head and proclaim my equality. It has not been through reading Scripture that my heart has been softened, or truthfully even through prayer. Our pastor has not preached a remarkable sermon on "being a Godly wife" lately; yet, I find myself desiring to serve my husband, make his home one he wants to come home to, and to encourage and acknowledge his hard work.

I could give credit to Brandon for the change I have seen in him. He has been asking for forgiveness often, understanding of my hard days and bad attitudes, and he has been helping around the house plenty. The growth I have seen in my husband has been encouraging to me, but I know that's not the sole reason for the shift our marriage.

It has been the Lord wooing my heart, healing my wounds, and changing my thoughts. I can't pin down specific times or events, but there has been this deep understanding of who God is in my life. My emotions have been softened, and my eyes have been opened when I have stopped to think about my own depravity and short-comings. Our home is changing, and Brandon and I are both learning what it is to love one another in Christ.

To my knowledge, we have not done anything to bring about this change. We have read books and been to counselors in the past, and none have had the results of what is happening now. There have been painful moments, and hours of mourning, but the joy that follows is unfathomable.

If you know us well you know this is truly a God thing. Please stand with us in prayer that this will be more than a season. Pray that God will continue this work in our hearts, and that we will receive the lessons He has for us. We also pray that our friends and family have this experience.

Thanks for the calls and emails. We love our brothers and sisters in Christ that are willing to go the distance with us.

Proverbial Nagging

2009-02-11T12:44:00.002-06:00

the dripping of the faucet
drives any man to madness
finding defeat in his attempts
she grumbles at the effort
hope is splashing down the drain
with every leaking complaint
he has walked into his desert

the hoarseness of her voice
reveal the burden of her words
never ceasing, rarely gracious
he climbs the ladder
makes a pallet atop shingles
from his pillow he counts the stars
certain her dissatisfaction is greater

With futile attempts to please
he realizes he's grasping at oil;
trying to calm the wild winds
she cannot see his love
so he performs to exhaustion
and his role and honor are lost
perpetuating her disrespect

phone calls with friends

2009-02-01T22:21:00.002-06:00

i'll dance if you want me to dance
sing that song you used to love
my hair will fall around me
the chill will leave the air
when you find what you've lost
you'll see who you've hurt
and we'll sit together again
rediscover the beauty i am
the hero i remember you to be
patiently i wait. i pray. i long.

My 3 Babies

2009-01-29T14:46:00.003-06:00

All of these pictures were taken within 1 month of the kids being the same age. After being asked if Selah looks like Elias I had to post pictures.

Baby Legs!

2009-01-29T10:53:00.003-06:00

I made Baby Girl some baby legs:

Little Boy

2009-01-28T22:33:00.004-06:00

I watch you figure out how to work the world you live in. Your still pudgy hands, and your slender body wiggle right out of my arms. My little man cannot be slowed down for hugs or pictures, and so I watch.

Happy 4th Birthday Beautiful Boy!

Being Pro-Life Christians Under a Pro-Choice President

2009-01-21T19:21:00.003-06:00

From John Piper's website: Desiring God

That is the title of a sermon I preached January 17, 1993, three days before Bill Clinton was inaugurated president. It is just as relevant—or more—today.

The text was 1 Peter 2:17, “Honor the king.” I closed with eight ways to honor a pro-choice president. The seventh was this:

We will honor you by expecting from you straightforward answers to straightforward questions. We would not expect this from a con-man, but we do expect it from an honorable man.

For example,

1. Are you willing to explain why a baby's right not to be killed is less important than a woman's right not to be pregnant?

2. Or are you willing to explain why most cities have laws forbidding cruelty to animals, but you oppose laws forbidding cruelty to human fetuses? Are they not at least living animals?

3. Or are you willing to explain why government is unwilling to take away the so-called right to abortion on demand even though it harms the unborn child; yet government is increasingly willing to take away the right to smoke, precisely because it harms innocent non-smokers, killing 3,000 non-smokers a year from cancer and as many as 40,000 non-smokers a year from other diseases?

4. And if you say that everything hangs on whether the fetus is a human child, are you willing to go before national television in the oval office and defend your support for the "Freedom of Choice Act" by holding in your hand a 21 week old fetus and explaining why this little one does not have the fundamental, moral, and constitutional right to life? Are you willing to say to parents in this church who lost a child at that age and held him in their hands, this being in your hands is not and was not a child with any rights of its own under God or under law?

Perhaps you have good answers to each of these questions. We will honor you by expecting you to defend your position forthrightly in the public eye.

You have immense power as President of the United States. To wield it against the protection of the unborn without giving a public accounting in view of moral and scientific reality would be dishonorable. We will honor you by expecting better."

Better Days

2009-01-16T13:41:00.006-06:00

The past two months have been a roller coaster for me. Some days were spent laying on the floor attempting to play with my kids, and others were spent cleaning my house in a manic state. My emotions would zig-zag between depressed, irritated and anxious. I really began to think I was going crazy.

January 3rd I went to an appointment with our family practitioner. I have a family history of thyroid problems, and I was also going to express my concern about postpartum depression. As I began to list off my many symptoms, my CNP assured me that it did in fact sound like my thyroid. I got on the examination table, and she found my thyroid to be quite enlarged (a goiter). She drew my blood, and discussed that we may be looking at Hashimoto's Disease.

The drive home from Denton gave me plenty of time to think about the many things I would be researching when I got home. The internet can be a scary place, but I navigated my way around and educated myself on the different possibilities for my goiter. We spent a lot of time praying, and looking into holistic ways to treat a thyroid imbalance.

I began to dump vitamins down my throat. Extra cod liver oil (I was also extremely deficient in vitamin D), minerals, magnesium, vitamin E, a thyroid support, and adrenal support all worked their way into my vitamin regimen. Brazil nuts, high in selenium, also became a twice-a-day staple in my diet. I bid good-bye to gluten and sugar in my diet.

I finally got into to see a reputable endocrinologist this week, and he agreed that my numbers were peculiar and that there was in fact a goiter. He asked me to come back the next day and have an ultrasound of the goiter. The tech did the sonogram and sent me on my way.

Today I received the call that my thyroid has no abnormal nodules, and I'm cleared from any chance of thyroid cancer. Brandon and I let out a big sigh of relief. The doctor wants me to take Armour (dissected porcine thyroid) to see if my symptoms are reduced and if the goiter disappears.

I thank God that I have my answer. While the births of my children have been joyous, the postpartum struggles have casted a shadow over our experiences. I have lost weight very quickly, and then gained it all back. My emotions have been all over the board, and the "brain fog" leaves me feeling like I delivered part of my brain with the placenta.

Some more information for those that suspect thyroid issues:

Stop The Thyroid Madness

Postpartum Thyroiditits

Mockery

2009-01-11T13:58:00.007-06:00

As a mother of boys I have begun to notice how ubiquitous gender jokes are. I admit to having "typed" many-a-man, and now that I'm raising two sons I find the categorization of men obnoxious.

Walking through the mall, I see young girls wearing shirts that say "Boys are Stupid Throw Rocks at Them." How outraged would women be if a man, or even a young boy, wore a shirt that said "Girls are Stupid Throw Rocks at Them." Boys would be sent home from school, the press would be called, and the women who have fought for women's liberation would be outraged.

Pay attention to commercials on the television. There is a marketing trend where commercials have a beautiful, lean, and somewhat sassy woman married to a dumbed down man who is slightly overweight, and partially balding. The commercial will somehow play on some stereotype, and will end with the woman swooping in with how to resolve the issue.

Many women do with their words what they have fought hard against. Women have spent generations trying to be recognized as equal to men, and seem willing to trample men's egos to gain their own sense of power. The demeaing attitude of which I write reminds me of the school yard, and my Nana explaining that those that insult you only do so because they feel inferior.

Somehow it is acceptable to demean boys and men of all ages. The lumping of my boys into the stereotype is offensive, and yet I still struggle to overcome my own tendencies to form opinions based on our societal classifications.

Pull up a chair, get comfy, grab a glass of industrial waste, and watch the following videos...

2009-01-02T20:19:00.005-06:00

Stick with it, and you'll be surprised by what you hear and read. Part III ties it all in. Let me know what you think.

Fluoride Deception: Part I

Fluoride Deception: Part II

Fluoride Deception: Part III

It's Over

2008-12-31T19:44:00.004-06:00

From Rocks in My Dryer:

"Mom," he asked, "is Christmas stressful?"

I looked at him quizzically.

"I mean," he continued, in a classic example of pre-adolescent understatement, "you've just seemed a little tense lately. Is Christmas stressful for you?"

I took a deep breath, a breath I should've taken about a month ago.

No, I told him. Christmas is not stressful. Christmas is holy. People are stressful. I am stressful. I take what is lovely and, whether by accident or design, I cover it with expectations and selfishness and over-committment and who knows what else. What is lovely gets lost.

Well, not really. It's never lost. Maybe my line of vision gets skewed. Maybe my hurried heart falters. But what is lovely and precious and staggering about this most holy time? It's still there. He is still there. In the manger. In the heavens. In my fickle heart.

Baby Girl's First Doll

2008-12-28T11:36:00.006-06:00

Once again, I swore off sewing forever with this project, but the finished product was well worth my frustration.

denial

2008-12-26T22:54:00.003-06:00

you somehow lost yourself.
stumble after wretched stumble,
the first glance. the first betrayal.
if you find yourself there you'll leave.
not next time. nor the time after that.
you stayed but lost. confidence sold.
for as convincing as he hopes to be,
you have yet to believe you're enough.

Have it All Wrong

2008-12-24T10:38:00.002-06:00

Elias walks out and sees presents under the tree and exclaims, "IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!"

I explain that his birthday comes after Christmas.

Let down, he asks, "Den what are dos presents for?"

I tell him, "Those presents are for Christmas."

My sweet son looks at me like I need a reminder and says, "Dat doesn't make naaaany sense. Christmas is Jesus' birfday. Why do we get presents on Jesus' birfday?"

I have yet to come come up with an answer for that one that he will accept.

Thankful

2008-12-23T20:04:00.005-06:00

Last year at this time Brandon and I went through our hardest financial time to date. We lost a months worth of pay because of a change in jobs, my sister was diagnosed with cancer, and Brandon was in a car accident. I wanted to turn in my "grown-up card," but the Lord began to tenderly speak to me about provision. He also continually challenged me to "consider the birds." (Matthew 6:26).

Tonight I must pause and share the ways we have been blessed in the last two months. I'm not one to talk about money or "things", but what has happened in our lives has floored me. The Lord has so sweetly taken care of us. I pray that God receives all of the glory for the blessings I'm about to share.

1) Refrigerator - In the beginning of October I told Brandon that I would like, though we didn't need, a new refrigerator. Ours works, and keeps things cold, but the ice maker is broken and it's starting to show some major signs of age. A few days later, Brandon's boss approached him, and asked if we would like his 4-year-old Whirlpool fridge for free. He's updating his kitchen and thought he would ask. Um, yes. Thank you!

2) Washer Dryer - At the end of October the Sears Outlet was having a great sale. I told Brandon that we should consider going because our washer and dryer are older than us. We're cloth diapering and if our washer and dryer went out that would be bad. He said we should wait. The Black Friday ad came out, and a washer and dryer that were originally $1400 were marked down to $599. We decided for the first time in our marriage to charge something large to our credit card. Go to #3.

3) Brandon's Bonus - The following Monday Brandon goes into work, and finds out that he's getting a bonus that will cover the cost of our washer and dryer.

4) Christmas Lights - The week after Thanksgiving I told Brandon that I wanted to watch the after Christmas sales for white globe lights for our house. He of course said, "Okay...." A few minutes later I logged onto an online forum I'm on and someone was giving them away for free. This seems silly, but in that moment I felt like God really cares about the silly small things - like Christmas lights.

5) A massive amount of toys - The same week I picked up the lights I stopped by a friend's house to borrow a book, and their neighbor had piles and piles of toys in their front yard. There was a toy I had been eyeing for Selah, but couldn't justify (and didn't have)$70 to spend on it, so I walked up to see what they were planning to do with the toys. They were suppose to be donated, but the people never picked them up. The lady told me if I would donate what I didn't want that I could take them all. A friend and I loaded up BOTH of our SUVs full of toys. In there was the toy I wanted for Selah, the barn and trike I wanted for Josiah, a bunch of wooden puzzles (if you know me - you know this is huge), and a bunch of Cars stuff for Elias. All of the toys were in new condition. It was crazy!

6) Brandon's Christmas Party - Aside from the wonderful dinner, fun party and free stay at a hotel, Brandon's co-worker just happened to draw our table's slip of paper in a drawing for some mall gift cards totalling $75.

7) Brandon is now in transportation sales, and brokers loads to carriers. Quite a few of these carriers have sent gifts (permitted by company) to our family. So far we have received generous gift cards from Macy's and Kohl's, and an Amex Card. We have also been sent wonderful baskets from the California wine country.

8) This evening I was going through the mail opening Christmas cards, and "the Lord laid it on the heart" of some our family friends to bless us with a very generous check. I sat and looked at the check and cried.

I'm grateful. I'm in awe of God. We don't understand the Lord's ways, but we're thankful. Our needs, and even our wants, have been met and yet we still say HE is enough. We praise Him for who He is. My spirit cries out and thanks Jesus for the hard times. It is during those times I learn to trust and find out what is important, and it is during the season of blessing that I am truly humbled by His provision.

The Polar Express

2008-12-19T10:27:00.008-06:00

Before it was a movie, it was my best childhood memory.

Henry Ford Museum, located in Dearborn, Michigan, was a yearly trip for our school around Christmas, and it was truly magical to see around the holidays. There were craft tables, exhibits, and a Santa that could convince any child to believe. The only thing I remember from 1989 was that Santa.

My second grade teacher, I couldn't tell you her name, read Polar Express to the class the week before our most adored trip. I had already been doubting Santa, but somewhere deep in my heart I wanted to believe. Once the book came to an end I had already set my mind on what I would ask Santa for that year.

The day of the field trip came, and while I enjoyed the museum, I was anxious to climb onto Santa's lap. I waited in line, and planned out how I would word what I was about to say to the man in the red suit. Minutes faded quickly and it was my turn.

I climbed into his lap, and studied his face. So real, so believable, but I wouldn't be deterred. His deep, smooth voice asked, "What do you want for Christmas, Niccole?" I'm sure my name tag gave me away, but I was still surprised that he knew me.

My mind was momentarily fogged, but I began to speak, "You're the only one I'm telling, but I really want a bell off of your sleigh. I will know Santa is real if I get the bell, because I'm only telling you - not my Mom or Grandma."

He looked at me, smiled for what seemed like forever, said "Merry Christmas, Niccole" and handed me my candy cane. My heart sank. I wondered if I hurt Santa's feelings. It quite honestly dampened the rest of my highly anticipated trip. The next couple of weeks slipped by in a blur that I don't remember.

Christmas Eve came, and my single mother found herself wrapping Christmas presents on our apartment floor by herself. Around 10 p.m. my mom answered a knock at the door. Standing in our apartment hallway was an elderly woman that asked my mom to come out to her vehicle because she had someone that wanted to meet my mom. Obviously my mom was skeptical, so she had our neighbor's wife come and sit with me while I slept, and the neighbor went out to the car with my mom.

As my mom approached the vehicle Santa got out of the passenger seat of the van. He explained what I had told him sitting on his lap, that he contacted the school I went to and asked for my address (only having my name and grade), and that after hearing the story and his wish the school gave him my mother's information. Santa told her that "after looking into my big brown eyes there was no way he could have a Merry Christmas knowing that this could possibly be the last year I believed."

The thoughtful man handed my mom a box that had a calligraphy tag on it that said, "To: Niccole, From: Santa, 1989" My Mom shook the box and it rang out.

The next morning I flew through unwrapping Barbies, My Little Ponies, and my first Nintendo. When my gifts had been unwrapped my mom handed me one last gift - a present wrapped in white. The tag was beautiful. As I unwrapped it I heard the rattle. There was suddenly no restraint. Pieces of paper flew, and the lid came off - the BELL! The worn and large bell laid beautifully in the box. I was a Believer!!!

Whoever that man was, he enabled me to believe in the magic of Christmas during a childhood that I desperately tried to escape. It was 6th grade before I started to doubt again, and when the doubt came this time my mom shared the story of the Santa at our apartment that Christmas Eve. The story meant more to me than the actual bell, and I was grateful that someone thought enough of me in 1989 to give me a Christmas I will share with future generations.

Merry Christmas from someone who still believes in (the idea of) Santa!

A New Washer! YAY!

2008-12-08T21:03:00.002-06:00

I'm a Housewife.

2008-12-04T10:07:00.006-06:00

Something I never dreamed of, but is now all I want. Being a homemaker is an art, a role that never ends, and rewarding in the small and quiet ways. The job doesn't pay well, my work often goes unnoticed until it's not done, and it can become mundane. I have minimized and mocked the very thing I am called to do.

However, my job is fulfilling. When I look around and see my home cozy and clean there is satisfaction. My day is filled full of questions from toddlers, giggles while doing tasks that would be boring if kids weren't involved, and lessons on cooking and bugs. I enjoy being presentable when my husband comes home from work. There is a comfort in knowing that my family wants to be in their home because - just like all of their things - they have a place here. It is nice to know that I have finally learned how to cook meals that are not only palatable but enjoyable.

For too long I was deceived in my thinking that because I'm a stay-at-home-mom that I somehow settled or sold myself short. Sewing, decorating and organizing have all become hobbies of mine, but I still enjoy good books and adult conversations. World events and global atrocities still get me going. My mind still challenges the way things are, and I still have the courage to change the things I do not like. I still am a free-thinking woman, and one that freely chose an often over-looked profession.

Learning to take pride in my many roles is my first personal goal right now. My home is far from being perfect or in order, but the desire to do my job with excellence is now there. I pray that I no longer settle for "good-enough," or procrastinate because there is always tomorrow.

A Lesson From Dr. Seuss

2008-12-04T09:58:00.003-06:00

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

I'm growing weary from sarcasm, and find myself slipping back into old patterns. I used to have a terrible habit of using sarcasm to say what I was feeling or thinking without having to be vulnerable. Sarcasm enables me to hide from confrontation, disguise my opinion, and quite frankly I don't think it looks pretty on anyone. Back to square one.

So Sad

2008-12-02T19:17:00.001-06:00

The blog template that Brandon spent hours editing for me went crazy. Good-Bye cool couch.

Who Done It?

2008-11-13T17:22:00.005-06:00

Something other than leaves almost crunched underfoot this afternoon when I went to take the trash out. One of my lovely friends left a surprise on my doorstep - but who?

Mmmmm.... Chicken Noodle Soup

2008-11-12T11:36:00.006-06:00

I made a great batch of Chicken Noodle Soup last night, and with the sick season just around the corner I thought I would share the useful recipe!

Ingredients:

1 large chicken breast
10 fresh basil leaves, finely chopped
Pinch of black pepper
1 tsp tarragon leaves
1 tsp parsley
2 tsp onion powder
4 cans or boxes of chicken stock
3 cups of water
¾ bag of egg noodles

Directions:

- In a large pot over medium heat combine the broth, carrots, celery, onion powder, chopped basil and ground black pepper and allow to cook.

- In a medium saucepan over medium high heat combine the water, ginger, parsley, tarragon, and chicken. Allow to cook until chicken is done. Once chicken is done chop it up.

- Add the chicken and water to the broth mixture, bring to a boil and then simmer for 30 minutes. Bring to a boil once again and add the egg noodles. Continue to cook over medium heat for about 15 minutes until noodles are al dente and vegetables are tender.

* To Freeze: Before adding the noodles allow the broth to cool, and put in freezer container of choice. When ready to use put the thawed broth in pot, bring to a boil, and then add the egg noodles.

Makes Approximately 6 servings

Some History

2008-11-10T11:10:00.006-06:00

As you can tell I have been changing my blog over the weekend, and it is because I plan on starting to blog more. Before I continued blogging I thought I would share my story.

For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things.

To Him be the glory forever. Amen."

Romans 11:36

_________________

I was born into a blue collar family in the suburbs of Detroit on May 3, 1982. My father was an injured steel worker, and my mother had been a waitress. Neither were prepared to raise a daughter.

Before I could learn his face, or know his ways, my father packed up a U-Haul and moved to California. My mother went through two engagements and three failed marriages before I turned 14. The adults I was exposed to had little restraint in their discipline, and less control with their impulses. My second step-father inherited a farm house in Central Illinois when I was 10, and we packed up with the opportunity.

Two months before my sixteenth birthday I was given a chance for a fresh start. After years of turmoil and abuse I was placed in the Illinois foster care system. I went to a temporary home, and then was placed with my wonderful Mom and family. My (foster) Mom is an inspiration, and pointed me towards Christ.

By the time I was 17 I realized that the Lord was wooing me, and I became a believer in Jesus Christ. It was a radical transformation, and I fell in love with a God I had previously rejected. Trusting Him in His unconditional love was, and still is, the biggest obstacle in my faith.

My people pleasing ways shifted towards what I thought a “good Christian” looked like. I joined a traveling ministry team, went to two Bible colleges, and served in many other ministries. Legalistic and idealistic, I lived under constant condemnation.

While attending the second Bible college, I met my husband Brandon. We were full of youthful lust and determined to cure it with marriage. For years I thought I was in a hurry to grow up, but what I've realized is that I was in a hurry to forget my past. Brandon and I passionately love and passionately fight, but my heart has always been set on God getting the glory from our marriage.

Shortly after getting married I was asked to be an apprentice midwife under Jane Gandy, CPM, a Godly midwife whom I respect and love. During my year with Jane I became passionate about the beauty of home and natural birthing, breastfeeding, and vaccine awareness. I didn't know that those interests were only the beginning of the journey towards a holistic lifestyle.

Our first child, Elias Xavier, was born ten days after our first anniversary. From the moment he was placed in my arms I knew that I would never understand my parents. An overwhelming and unexplainable love washed over me and my world was turned upside down.

Seventeen months later our second son, Josiah Nikolas, came into our lives. He was the best surprise that we never knew we wanted. On his second day I nursed him as I wept and welcomed him into my heart. The reality that God chose me to mother two beautiful boys became a lot for me to handle.

Shortly after Josiah's birth depression set in, but no one could know my struggle. I was determined to overcome what I perceived as weakness and persevere. Soon I would find myself unable to handle the most simple of tasks or the smallest stressors.

I found myself walking through the doors of a ministry called “Celebrate Recovery.” For the first time I felt I was able to admit I was weak, broken and wounded. God poured out His grace, and whispered His promises. I longed to actually become a part of the church we had only been attending, and it has been there that we have found true friendship and love.

On September 3, 2008 I gave birth to our beautiful little girl, Selah Raelle. Revelations of my Father's love began to flood my heart, and the realities of my own short-comings stared me in the face. She is a joy and has already taught me so much.

____________________

This is obviously a very abbreviated version of my testimony. My blogs should fill in some blanks. I pray that as I write about my past, my life, my joys and my struggles that others will be encouraged and that God will be exalted.

Sweet Boy

2008-11-06T09:44:00.005-06:00

Yesterday I was feeling some Mommy guilt about the time I have not been able to spend with the boys lately. Between nursing Selah, making breakfast, lunch and dinner, and keeping a house - quite a bit of our "fun time" has been put on the back burner. I decided after breakfast yesterday that the boys and I were going to have some fun.

Elias has two shows that he loves now - "Sid the Science Kid" and "Super WHY!" When "Super WHY!" was over yesterday I told the boys it was time to turn off the television. Elias walks over to turn off the t.v. and looks at me with all sincerity and says, "I guess you need to play with me now." I laughed and agreed.

His choice of play was playing "Super WHY!" and I had to be his "Princess Presto." We changed story after story, but my favorite was when Elias changed our vacuum from loud to quiet and with excitement he told me he wouldn't be scared of the vacuum anymore. That took us to lunch, but the boys wore capes and told stories most of the day.

Last night, as I was making dinner, Elias stopped by the kitchen doorway to say, "Mommy, today was such a beautiful day together!" I melted and was instantly reminded of the most important things in life. It's not about how clean my house is, but the memories we create within this house. I love when my kids teach me such wonderful lessons!

My Election '08 Post (because most will have them)

2008-11-05T10:08:00.005-06:00

I said I would stop sharing my political views and I did for the most part. Before the nominations, debates, and elections happened our pastor explained "you will never legislate transformed lives." It rocked my proud little world.

My heart has been trying to focus on where I put the responsibility for change, and what my role is in the shift. Voting is only one way to make a stance be heard. What about the other 1,459 days of a 4-year-term?

My prayer is that God would change my heart and desires for the things that He both loves and hates. I have been challenged on many election issues, and put responsibility on the church (myself included). I have not raised awareness about the issues that I support. I have not put my money where my passions are. For years the only political voice I have had is on the ballot, and it sickens me.

I have started to redirect responsibility of social and political issues to believers. Want immigration reform? Start sending money to missions organizations digging wells, building hospitals, and educating natives. Give people a way and reason to stay in their country. Want abortion to end? Give of your time and resources to help pregnancy crisis centers graciously counsel women faced with the decision to abort. Obviously I am simplifying the solution, but I wonder what our country would look like if believers really started to live as believers.

For the next four years I will continue to pray for the man God put in office. No matter what kind of leader Obama is, I do not put my trust in him and Obama is not the "Change We Need." This morning I'm content knowing that I serve a sovereign God, and I look to Him to guide me as I live out my life before man.

A Love/Hate Affair

2008-11-03T15:15:00.004-06:00

I started Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred today. I did Level 1/Day 1 about 2 hours ago, my legs stopped shaking 1 hour ago, and the soreness set in about 10 minutes ago. Tomorrow is not going to be pretty. I did Making The Cut last Fall, before I got pregnant with Selah, and it helped a lot with my running times and fitness goals. We'll see what 30 Day Shred does - I'll keep this post updated as I go along.

Thanks Mom!

2008-10-31T10:37:00.001-06:00

I'm not a foodie, and not too many meals get me excited, but I've been waiting for tonight's dinner to arrive in the mail all week. I nearly ran to the door this morning when I heard the knock. There it was in all of it's glory - Portillos Hot Dogs!!!! My mom-in-law sent us a box of Portillos hot dogs for no other reason except that she loves us.

I want a bite...

2008-10-30T20:37:00.001-06:00

I can't believe how fast the last 8 weeks have gone. Selah is already cooing and gurgling. It has been so much fun getting to know the little girl that God gave us. She is spunky and alert. She is content as long as someone is looking at her. Her brothers light up her world, and her Daddy makes her smile like this:

Bwuahahahaha.......

2008-10-28T20:50:00.009-06:00

Since Brandon and I have been married we have argued over whether or not we would celebrate Halloween. He was against it, and Halloween was always one of my favorite holidays. I was one of those kids that would start talking about what I was going to dress up as in March. I've won him over, and look what he did with the boys tonight!

Josiah was not thrilled about the idea!

The Work of Art

Niccole Defined

2008-10-27T19:39:00.003-06:00

"A mess that took time to organize"

(Came from Brandon's explanation of our laundry closet, but I thought it perfectly explained who I am.)

Naomi.

2008-10-27T18:56:00.004-06:00

I had funky hair, and an edgy style. I was obnoxiously loud to overcompensate for my insecurity in being an introvert. I spoke with a fast and strange accent. I was set in my ways, and quite contrarian.

She wore knee socks with a white lab coat and made it her outfit. She is the only person I have ever known to be able to pull off pink eyeshadow. She rocked the air guitar while worshipping Jesus.

I had to be her friend.

She asked if the seats were taken. Needing my personal space I hesitated but didn't lie. She sat down, and her husband slipped in beside her. We introduced ourselves, and class began.

Days went on, and this stranger continued to sit by me. I enjoyed her wit and ability to carry out small talk. Time passed and I enjoyed her honesty and transparency.

We invested.

She wrote and she listened. We connected over coffee and journal entries. Our lives collided, and my heart was opened. I learned to trust a woman though I never thought I would.

She loved. I ran.

My friend cared enough to confront me. I backed away. Fled from accountability - her Love.

Set aside.

Years leapt by, and so much changed. Life, marriage, kids, heartache, joys, new jobs. The memories deceiving, as if my heart reminds me that she should have been there.

Here we are.

A social network reunites friends, and we sense what we have missed. Exchanged messages full of hopeful anticipation of what will come. I'm sorry for what we lost, but excited for what we'll gain. I've missed you.

Fun-Do!

2008-10-25T21:16:00.002-06:00

Yes, the title is cheesy (pun intended) but once again I must share about our date night in.....

Tonight we had cheese fondue with steamed broccoli, snap peas, bread, potatoes, and mushrooms - Delicious!

Here's the recipe:

4 cups Mexican shredded cheese

1 teaspoon garlic powder

1 tablespoon flour

2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce

3/4 cup of beer

1/4 teaspoon red pepper

1/8 cup cream (or to taste)

Directions:

- Mix cheese, flour, garlic powder, & red pepper in bowl

- Mix beer and Worcestershire sauce in pan and heat until it comes to a boil

- Slowly add cheese until it melts.

- Once cheese is melted add cream until it reaches the desired consistency

Broken Filter

2008-10-25T10:00:00.005-06:00

Over the last few months I have started to lose my desire to please people. For years I have begged the Lord to help me overcome my fear of man, and to help me walk in the confidence of the person I know myself to be. Well it's happening and it is strange for me to go through.

I find myself wearing the outfit I love even though I know Brandon doesn't like it. I'm admitting, without a list of reasons, that I don't really like music. I have started to say "excuse me" instead of "I'm sorry" when I take up too much space in the grocery store isles. When people ask me my opinion I'm learning to share it with tact but without apology.

I have tried to analyze the many reasons for the shift in my thinking , and much of my desired change came with the birth of my daughter. If I want my daughter to grow up as a Godly, confident, strong, and free thinking woman then I must strive, by the grace of God, to be that person myself. I will give Selah her first idea of what a woman is, and knowing those little eyes are watching makes me rush to Jesus.

In the last week I have also prayed that God keep my eyes on Him and not on Selah. I can't change because Selah needs me to be different. Change must come because God has given me a little girl to train up in His ways, and His kingdom is upside down from the world in which we live.

It will take time to undo what I have told myself people want from me. Days, months, or years may come and go before I erase from my mind what society tells me women are meant to be. I may always struggle with my self image; however, I am willing to fight this war if it means my daughter doesn't have to.

And we're off....

2008-10-24T10:14:00.004-06:00

Last week a friend and I were talking about how it is not even Halloween yet and Christmas decorations are already out in many stores! Every year it seems like the holiday hype gets going sooner and sooner. Adults are already shopping, and children are being held off with the phrase "maybe Santa will bring it..."

Last year, around this time, Brandon and I went through a very tough time financially. It forced us to take a step back and remember what Christmas was all about. We analized how we celebrated Christmas, what traditions we could start, and most importantly how we could glorify the birth of our Savior. We got creative and had a wonderful Christmas.

Here were some of the things we did last year...

- We bought wood stars (10/$1 @ Dollar Tree), painted them white, wrote the names of family/friends/ministries on the stars and hung them on our tree. Each day we would choose a new star to pray and thank God for.

- Instead of buying gifts for our friends we threw a "Polar Express" party. We all wore our pajamas, decorated cookies, drank cider, had Polar Express playing in the background, and then read the book.

- The kids received 3 gifts symbolizing the 3 kings

- Read the story of the birth of Christ on Christmas Eve.

Our new friends, The Carruths, posted a blog about the Advent Conspiracy, and I'm definitely feeling challenged.

THE VIDEO (couldn't get video to imbed)

What are some traditions that you and your family do to celebrate the birth Jesus?

2008-10-24T08:39:00.004-06:00

I work hard as a wife. I obsess about the Mom that I am and will someday become. I treasure my friends. I desperately miss our family. I am passionate about women's wellness issues. I indulge in good books, the internet, delicious food, and exercise.

I ignore the source of all of this goodness. The gifts He has given I think I somehow deserve. I even lust for more. I walk away from His voice. I challenge His will. I intentionally rebel. I fail to repent.

Yet, He remains. He's there when I cannot or will not call. He listens when I wail. He holds me when I'm void. He loves me enough to discipline me. He's strong when I quit.

This is the heart of an idolater. It is devastating to get a glimpse of who I am, and how I deny my Savior. I'm despaired because I have been here before.

At it again...

2008-10-20T20:30:00.006-06:00

I have been looking forward to tonight for the last 7 weeks. When I woke up this morning and realized that today was "the" day I was ecstatic. I thought about what I would wear, and how much I would enjoy it after such a long break. The clock would not move fast enough, and I did my best prepare. As I slipped on the appropriate attire and fixed my hair I wondered how it would go. Would it be painful? Would the speed and intensity be too much? How would I respond?

30 minutes. 30 minutes of rapid heart beats, exhausted lungs, and a tired lower body. Exhilarating and mind blowing. I totally forgot how enjoyable running was.

Waffles!

2008-10-05T12:13:00.005-06:00

I made a great batch of waffles Sunday morning, and had to pass on the recipe. I made them with whole wheat flour, which definitely gave them that "healthy" flavor and texture, but you could also make them with white flour.

INGREDIENTS

2 eggs
2 cups whole wheat flour
1 3/4 cups milk
1/2 cup apple sauce
1/4 cup loosely packed brown sugar
4 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Cinnamon to taste

DIRECTIONS

Preheat waffle iron. Beat eggs in large bowl with hand beater until fluffy. Beat in flour, milk, apple sauce, sugar, baking powder, salt and vanilla, just until smooth.

Spray preheated waffle iron with non-stick cooking spray. Pour mix onto hot waffle iron. Cook until golden brown. Serve hot.

* I served with homemade whipped cream and fresh strawberries. You can also add fresh fruit to the batter and cook the waffles.

All By Myself (+3 Little Beans)

2008-09-29T11:34:00.007-06:00

I was tremendously blessed to have Brandon's Mom here for 23 days to help me transition from 2 to 3 kids. She stayed while B was out of town, and took over care of the boys and upkeep of the house. I don't think she will ever know what a huge blessing she was to me.

Today was my first day alone since Selah has been born. I was nervous last night, but was not about to admit it. I kept track of my day for anyone interested in what having two toddler boys and newborn looks like on Day 1 of flying solo:

8:15 a.m. - Selah wakes up and begins an hour long nursing session

9:00 a.m. - Boys wake-up and want their oatmeal so I proceed to make oatmeal with sweet Baby Girl latched on.

9:15 a.m. - Boys start eating and Selah longs to stare at her Mommy until her 1st major poop explosion

10 a.m. - Morning Nap time for Ms. Selah, read books with boys, and color some pictures to send to Ya-Ya

10:15, 10:38, 10:45 - Selah wakes up rooting for a snack

10:30 a.m. - Clean out fridge, boys play dinosaurs (o.k. - Elias plays dinosaurs and Josiah screams as though he's starring in Jurrassic Park)

11:00 a.m. - Hurry to get boy's lunches ready so lunches are made when Selah wakes up

11:30 a.m. - Fold diapers, wrestle dryer balls away from Josiah, cleaned mashed oatmeal off the floor, sweep floors, attempt other chores

12:00 p.m. - Lunch for Selah, lunch for the boys, convince Josiah he wants his pretzels and not his brother's, and pour two cups of water all while Selah eats.

12:30 p.m. - Get Selah back down for a nap, clean up lunch, finally eat my breakfast (????) of peanut butter toast and Zen Green Tea.

1:00 p.m. - Get boys down for their naps, clean our bedroom, and put away Brandon's clothes from trip

1:30 p.m. - Decide to climb into bed for a little nap, Selah smells food within a 10 foot vicinity and decides she needs to eat.

2:00-2:30 p.m. - #2 poop explosion for Selah, she wakes up and we stare at each other until she starts wailing from gas....

2:30-almost 3 p.m. - Try to get Selah to burp, but she goes to sleep instead

3:00 p.m. - boys wake up and we eat snack (wheat saltines w/ peanut butter), we play with helicopters, and they cooked for Mommy in their play kitchen (I got to rest between "prep times" on Eli's bed)

3:30 p.m. - Nurse Selah, Clean Selah's room, and start to put things back in place in her room.

4:30 p.m. - Start getting dinner ready, and cleaning up toys throughout the house.

5:30 p.m. - Dinner is cooking, boys have survived the day, Selah is sleeping in the swing, chore list is done, and Mama isn't tooooooo overwhelmed.

A couple that cooks together....

2008-09-28T09:18:00.004-06:00

Brandon and I had a wonderful date night in last night. We put the kids (all 3!!!!) to bed, and made dinner. It was a perfect way to spend time together after Brandon was gone on business for two weeks in Minneapolis.

We were able to share a bottle of wine and make this pasta:

Angel Hair with Spicy Shrimp

Cost of Chocolate

2008-09-28T08:37:00.005-06:00

I am ashamed to write this post. I learned about an atrocity last year, was moved, but did nothing about it. Lately every time I bite into a piece of chocolate the Lord reminds me of my silence, and the irony of my enjoyment.

There have been approximately 15,000 children trafficked into slavery on cocoa farms in Cote D'Ivoire. These children live in inhumane conditions, are nearly starved, and beaten so that they can harvest their owner's cocoa crops. Cote D'Ivoire is the world's largest exporter of cocoa beans, and the United States is the largest importer. So Americans are pleasuring themselves at the expense of a little boy's childhood.

I could continue to write but instead I will post some resources:

Stop the Traffik

Chocolate and Slavery

Slave Free Chocolate

From the International Justice Mission (look under "Slavery: Fact Sheet")

What are the facts?
• According to the United Nations Working Group on Contemporary Forms of Slavery, an estimated 20 million people were held in bonded slavery as of 1999.
• In 2004 there are more slaves than were seized from Africa during four centuries of trans-Atlantic slave trade. (Kevin Bales, Disposable People)
• In 1850 a slave in the Southern United States cost the equivalent of $40,000 today. According to Free the Slaves, a slave today costs an average of $90.
• Approximately two-thirds of today’s slaves are in South Asia. Human Rights Watch estimates that in India alone there are as many as 15 million children in bonded slavery.

These children could be ours. Those little boys being beaten and tortured so they can harvest an unnecessary commodity could be Elias or Josiah. I thank God for His grace and mercy that my children were born on American soil, and have been given the luxury of safety, comfort, and desires. However, I can no longer ignore that something I so enjoy comes at a high cost for children halfway around the world. As of Saturday, September 27, 2008, our home will be a slave-free chocolate home. Brandon and I will be holding each other accountable in only purchasing fair trade cocoa, and when the temptation to consume chocolate comes we will pray for the children enslaved. I realize this may be an extreme commitment for most, but my prayer is that if you're reading this you won't let these facts escape you like I did for a year.

25 Things About Me (In No Particular Order)

2008-09-25T13:03:00.003-06:00

1. I cut onions with my eyes closed

2. My maiden name rhymed with spaghetti

3. Cooking is my least favorite thing to do

4. I'm an introvert

5. I love Jesus

6. My dream house is a "Chicago style bungalow."

7. I have a hot husband.

8. I can't stand cats

9. or people who say, "Awwwwe, why?"

10. I'm beginning to think I don't like dogs either

11. I journal a lot

12. I crave simplicity

13. and my red velvet cupcakes

14. I can relate everything back to the topic of childbirth

15. Election '08 has given me crazy head

16. A quad shot Americano is an addiction I've had to break

17. My foster mom changed my life

18. I have amazing, strong, loyal, and beautiful friends - who are all *very* different

19. I have a uni-brow if I don't pluck

20. I never wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom

21. Now I don't want to be anything different

22. Having kids has taught me how to love

23. I struggle to understand grace

24. I'm PC illiterate

25. I'm highly competitive - even with myself

Pictures!

2008-09-19T11:26:00.011-06:00

Ashlee, the amazing photographer that did our pregnancy pictures, came out and did Selah's newborn pictures. She did such a wonderful job that I had to share her work (and of course my beautiful daughter)!

Checking In...

2008-09-19T11:26:00.002-06:00

I obviously have not been keeping up with my blog for the last couple of weeks so I thought I would take a few minutes to check in.

Selah is precious. Every day I think I love her more than I did the day before. We're having some tummy/gas issues, and I'm trying to narrow down what foods may be bothering her. Chamomile tea and homeopathic nux vomica and chamomilla have been my best friends for the last week.

Elias is in love with his little sister and cannot stop kissing her. He "needs" to check on her several times a day, and always makes sure to let me know when she makes the slightest whimper. He can often be overheard saying, "It's okay baby sister, I'm right here." It melts this mama's heart.

Josiah is also doing really well. The problems we anticipated have not really been an issue, and he has actually made great progress "using his words" in the last two weeks. He'll always be a mama's boy and we're in no hurry to change that.

Brandon is still in Minneapolis for the training for his new job (YAY!). He started with C.H. Robinson on September 1st and had to leave for a 2 week training on the 14th. Having a newborn without my husband around has been hard, but I thank God for the new job and new opportunities.

I have also been blessed by having my mother-in-law come and stay with us for the time that Brandon is gone. She has taken over care of the boys and the house which has been a tremendous help after sleepless nights. The boys love having their YaYa here, and that has obviously helped with the transition.

Selah and I also went and checked out a new home group at our church last night. I loved it and Selah slept in her sling for most of the time. Walking into the group yesterday felt like getting together with old friends, and I look forward to getting to know new people and growing closer to the Lord through fellowship.

That's all I have for now, but hopefully I'll get back to blogging soon.

She's Here

2008-09-04T10:32:00.003-06:00

Selah (Pause and think on the things of God) Raelle (Sees God, Princess of God)

8 lbs 14 0z

21" long

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

I woke up around 4:45 a.m. With the same contractions that I had been having for nearly two weeks. Of course I couldn't go back to sleep so I just sat around waiting for them to tinker out or pick up. By 6:30 a.m. The contractions started to pick up and I started to think that I could really be in labor. Brandon left for his second day at a new job at 6:45 a.m. With me telling him I would call if I thought there was anything to the contractions, and just as he was pulling into the parking lot of work I called to tell him that I was sure this was it.

Brandon came home, and got the boys ready to go to my friend Crissi's house. They were thrilled to go play with their friends, and when I told them their sister was coming it was a non-issue. It took about an hour to get the boys ready and out the door, and by that time my contractions tinkered. I paced in front of our house hoping to get contractions kick started again before my midwife showed up.

My midwife showed up around 10 a.m. And I was already in the tub. I got into the tub too early and stalled my contractions a bit. I was anxious to know that I was really in labor so I had Brandon help me get dressed and we went for a walk. The walk was all I needed. Contractions picked back up and we came home.

The next four hours were very calm and truly my dream labor. I was laughing with Brandon, my midwife, her daughter (assistant), and my friend Jenny between contractions. I used many coping techniques to get through the pain. Hypnobabies kept me focused on relaxing, worship music was so very comforting, and Brandon massaging me was the physical relief and intimacy that I needed.

At 1:30 p.m. I became very antsy about the way things were going. I thought because the contractions didn't hurt, they were more like pressure, that my body wasn't doing anything. I was ready to get things going and to have my baby.

By 2 p.m. The back labor started and I felt baby girl slide under my pubic bone. I started to have the feeling that I couldn't do it anymore, and my midwife suggested that if it felt better to push with the contractions to try pushing, but if not to wait. I tried, and it didn't feel better. I had a tiny cervical lip that was preventing her from coming down. I labored until approximately 2:45 p.m. With intense back pain, and trying to tell everyone I was ready for the hospital.

At 2:45 p.m. I started to push and our sweet baby girl was birthed into water at 2:59 p.m. I was in total shock that she was in my arms. I was instantly in love.

While everyone was admiring our daughter I started to feel pretty poorly. The last thing I remember is telling my midwife that my face was twitching. I started to have a mild seizure, they had to cut the cord and get me out of the tub. My blood pressure went too low, but I recovered quickly. I also had a significant amount of blood loss after I birthed the placenta. I had to take two rounds of methergine to get my uterus to contract faster and reduce the bleeding. Praise God all was well and I was in the hands of a wonderful midwife.

This was by far the most beautiful and intimate labor and birth I have had. I felt God's presence so strongly, and there was such a peace in our home. Brandon did an amazing job of supporting me in labor, and I really feel that we bonded on a whole new level.

Addressing Some Pregnancy Questions....

2008-09-02T10:53:00.006-06:00

- I am more anxious than anyone to meet my little girl. If ringing phones, or questions about signs of impending labor, could bring on labor I'm sure she would already be in my arms.

- I am not ready to "have my body back." Will my body ever be back? Do your hips ever shrink back to your pre-pubescent size after giving birth to 3 children? Will my breasts ever be the same after nursing 3 children more than 3 years? Having a baby does not mean I get my body back.

- Sure I am tired, but having two toddler boys will do that to you anyway

- My doctor is not concerned about how long I remain pregnant, but that is only because I don't have a doctor. However, my midwife wonderfully reminds me that no woman has been pregnant forever, and as an educated woman I need to keep trusting in God and the birth process.

- Homebirth is in fact a safe birthing option. I try to not make it a habit of putting myself or my children in harm's way if I can at all avoid it.

- Yes, the sonogram could have been wrong and my girl could really be a boy. Yes, that would be a little tough to handle, but hearing stories about a friend, of a friend, of a friend's cousin who that happened to does not make me doubt the gender of my child - it only annoys me that people would share such a story.

- I am not concerned about pushing out a 10 lb baby, because last time I checked fat squishes. Pushing out another head the size of Elias' head at birth is a totally different story.

- No, I'm not any hotter this summer being 9 months pregnant then I am any other summer in Texas.

- Yes, I am more hormonal this pregnancy then I ever was with the boys, but this blog makes me feel so much better.

Stirred

2008-08-24T08:14:00.003-06:00

She learned quickly how to hold back. Each time the reason for restraint was different. Some moments it was to not show her weakness, and other times it was to not show his. Pride often screened the response. Her rueful ability to protect her emotion is what she thought to be her greatest strength. She learned to grip her grief in fear of his response. Caustic words and strikes to her young body could not shake her resolve. For every time she wanted to, I did. I let go. I cried for her today.

Recipe: Italian Beef Sandwiches

2008-08-19T10:55:00.004-06:00

This is another recipe from Jen, and they are absolutely delightful! The recipe is very easy, and the batch I made makes enough for approximately 18 sandwiches.

Chicago Style Italian Beef Sandwiches

4 lbs beef chuck roast

2 boxes or 4 cans of beef broth

1/4 cup finely chopped fresh basil

3 teaspoons dried oregano or 1/4 cup finely chopped fresh oregano

1/4 cup liquid from a jar of pepperoncini peppers

8 pepperoncini peppers finely chopped (I bought mine pre-sliced and guessed the amount)

2 teaspoons of onion powder

3 cloves of garlic

Black pepper to taste

Directions:

- Place roast in crockpot, pour the rest of the ingredients on top of the roast, and cook on Low for 8-10 hours.

- I shredded mine and it literally fell apart

- Serve on crusted rolls with mozzarella cheese - AMAZING!

*I divided the chilled meat into snack sized bags, and then placed them in one large freezer bag. This will be a very easy lunch for Brandon to take to work, or quick dinner after the baby comes.

2008-08-18T16:22:00.007-06:00

We had the opportunity to work with Ashlee, a budding photographer, this weekend and I thought I would post a few pictures. She did an incredible job, was patient with the boys, and I feel she truly captured our family. She's still editing the pics but she sent us some teasers...

Consumed

2008-08-18T08:30:00.004-06:00

Over my shoulder, in front of my face

I ignore the prompting, yet You remain

Longing for intimacy, the Father's embrace.

Shame of my denial, Your comforting peace

Doubting salvation, then there's Your grace

Hung Out to Dry

2008-08-07T19:42:00.004-06:00

17 loads of laundry washed, and I think baby girl may have something to wear when she's born! Our clothes line is 45 feet long and I filled it twice with cloth diapers. I also washed all of her clothes, the linens for her room, and started prepping our homebirth supply stash. By the end of the day our clothes line had been loaded and unloaded 8 times. Thank God for the fast drying Texas sun!

I had to take a picture this morning of our first round of cloth diapers hanging out to dry.

Already a Team

2008-08-04T11:35:00.004-06:00

Last night I was up until nearly midnight finishing up the details on the baby's dresser/changing table. After the mess was cleaned up, and I was ready to climb into bed I looked down to see that Baby Girl tried to help.

The picture makes me chuckle - right where the paint ended up is where she likes to kick.

3 Weeks to Go!!!!

Lavished Upon

2008-08-02T20:50:00.017-06:00

There are moments in my life when I take a breath, and am able to feel truly blessed be a woman. Often times I find this joy in being a Wife and a Mother, but today I experienced it as a friend. My closest friends and I got together today for a "Girl's Day" to celebrate the upcoming birth of my daughter.

We met in my friend Jenny's pool clubhouse that is beautifully decorated and perfectly cozy. There was more delectable food then we could eat but we all really tried. Elyse brought my newest addiction of tea infused Sprite, and the desserts were scrumptious. The conversation flowed easily from the topics of birth and children to people's hobbies and granola tendencies.

Every detail of the shower was so thoughtfully planned around my lifestyle and likes that it truly awed me. I was embarrassed to receive gifts for our third child, but each friend so carefully thought out the most personal presents to shower us with. While opening presents I realized that I am surrounded by some incredibly creative women.

Here are some of my handmade gifts:

Elyse was inspired by the lamp shade for Baby Girl's room as she embroidered this blanket. The detail is stunning and complete with our daughter's initial in the flower.

Another thoughtful gift from Elyse - custom burp clothes. I'm pretty sure that Baby Girl's spit up won't be allowed anywhere near these beauties!

Seriously? Elyse "was just having fun" when she decided to add to her handmade collection - this time fleece diaper covers. I cannot wait to see my baby's perfect bum in these perfect diaper covers!

Yup, Elyse again. These are amazing plush toys that Elyse makes and babies love. I was hoping and crossing all my pregnant parts that Baby Girl would get one of these treasures.

Crissi's Creations - lotion and soap bars. From (L) to (R): Tea Tree Oil, Lavender, and Olive Oil Lotion bar (most wonderful scent!), Honey and Almond Lotion bar that smells like "Bit-O-Honey" candy (I want to eat it), and Tea Tree Oil and Lavender Soap (beautifully clean scent). I'm so proud of her for pursuing her dream of having her own business!

Jenny pays such close attention to people's interests! Without knowing why, I thoroughly enjoy Enamelware, and inside of this Enamelware pot was a coupon for meals for the first 6 weeks of baby's life! I'm thrilled with the pot but even more excited for Jenny's yummy food!

In addition to these handmade and creative gifts, I was gifted with some incredibly precious outfits. Patti found an adorable cap sleeved onesie in brown, magenta and lime green stripes and she also added some precious rabbit onesies to the mix. Brandon's Tia put together a treasurable basket of goodies that varied from Baby's first cross to an adorable fleece hoodie. Sara enabled us to go to Target and finish getting a few things that Baby Girl could use with a gift card.

As I reflected on the shower this afternoon I became choked up. I feel humbled by the blessing of the friends I have. I have never had, or been, to a shower that was as intimate as the one I had today.

Thank you ladies for such a wonderful afternoon!

Cleaning Closet

2008-08-01T08:51:00.006-06:00

18-months-ago Brandon and I went through our entire house and began to throw away every chemical we could find. Being on a tight budget, I nearly had a heart attack but I knew this would be the only way we could make our home a little more safe. I have found that the switch has actually been more cost effective, and I feel better knowing my kids are in a clean non-toxic home.

Here Are Our Products:

All Purpose Cleaner: Dr. Bronner's and Tea Tree Oil

This cleans our counters, bathrooms, and floors

Baby/Body Soap: Dr. Bronner's Liquid or Bar Soap

Hand Soap: 1 teaspoon of Dr. Bronner's liquid in a foaming pump of water

Laundery Detergent: Charlie's Soap

Heavy Duty Cleaner (Shower/Tub): Charlie's Soap (getting ready to try this out but will report back)

Baking Soda:

Scouring Powder when needed
Exfoliater for body (including face)

Face Wash: Honey

Brandon and Niccole's Soap: Organic Oatmeal Soap/$1.36 a bar from Whole Foods (name has escaped me) or Dr. Bronner's bar soap

Niccole's Shampoo/Conditioner: Moment of Confession.... Bed Head "Control Freak"

Without trying to justify I have truly tried so many brands of organic or SLS Free shampoos and conditioners and not one has done the job. I have thin hair but a massive amount of it, and my hair has been left oily (not normal for me), flat, or dry with non-toxic products. If anyone is reading this and has a recommendation please throw it at me.

A friend recently sent me two wonderful links that I thought I would share:

Skin Deep:

Rates products by their toxicity. I have found many products that I thought were safe were actually a 3-4 on the list.

Debra's List:

Multiple lists of non-toxic products ranging from home and pet care to baby and body care.

Birth Inspiration

2008-07-30T11:11:00.010-06:00

I have been blessed to be a part of many wonderful births and labors. Watching women labor and birth their babies makes me worship God for His miraculous work and appreciate the wonder it is to be a woman. The births of my own children were the best and most joyous days of my life, and I'm expecting our daughter's birth to be equally as extraordinary.

However, I have never been as floored by a woman in birth as I was when I saw the "Woman Sings While in Labor" video a few months ago. This woman, and her ability to praise our Creator during one of the most difficult times in a woman's life, is my inspiration. I am incredibly thankful she allowed herself to be filmed because she is an image of beauty, strength and peace.

Preparation

2008-07-30T07:55:00.005-06:00

Tomorrow will mark my 36th week of pregnancy, and with this awareness I feel the pressing of my "To Do" list. I have been cleaning, organizing and ridding my house of needless belongings since I hit 30 weeks. The goals I have to accomplish are a bit daunting, possibly unrealistic, but I have the irresistible urge to attempt these feats.

My poor husband has not escaped the imposed pressure. He's working on several projects at once and his list keeps growing. His current big project is painting a crib that baby girl will not sleep in for months but I'm insistent that she will somehow know. With only 3 weekends left before our due date Daddy still "needs" to sand and paint a dresser and glider chair, replace the ceiling fan, and steam clean the carpets. As long as he doesn't sleep I think he will make it!

My mother-in-law will be here on Saturday morning to help me sew the baby's quilt, sew a crib skirt, make a new nursing pillow/cover, wash endless amounts of clothes and cloth diapers, and cook enough meals to hopefully get us through a couple weeks of babymooning. My list also includes lining my kitchen cabinets with oilcloth, painting the wainscotting under my bar, rearranging our office/playroom, and giving the house one last wipe down (this includes walls).

I'm sure this is what the rest of the world calls "nesting" but I think this borders on OCD. By the time I'm done I'm sure birth will be a welcomed break. I'm off.

What To Do On A 103 Degree Day?

2008-07-26T16:14:00.006-06:00

Have a yard sale with your best friend sweating it out beside you! It was great fun to people watch. Jen and I got to see how many people could pile into a Chevy Trailblazer (9 with 2 in carseats, hear the ridiculous offers people made for my junk, and I got stuck talking to a conspiracy theorist for 20 minutes.

Beauties!

I promise that I meant to write "Soda & Water $.50." I'm not that Southern (yet)!

Daughter

2008-07-25T09:19:00.007-06:00

She is not a fresh start or a second chance. She is not the fulfillment of something I never had. She is the little girl God is lending me. I am highly unqualified, an unsuitable prospect and yet I am her Mother. Guide me as I learn, help me when I stumble, and rejoice with me as the Lord nourishes and sustains us.

A System That Works

2008-07-24T18:41:00.005-06:00

There have been big changes around our house in the last 6 months, and I'm finally coming out of the closet. I am not a "Domestic Diva" and my home was a disaster for the first few years we were married. Drop in visits from friends would leave me profusely apologizing for the condition of my home, and I always had an excuse as to why my house was not in the best condition. I had tried Fly Lady and Motivated Moms but nothing cut it - I was a cluttered mess. Every few months I would get on a kick, and the house would look great for a couple weeks but it never lasted.

I finally came up with a plan that works for me. It's a combination of many things I have found on the net, but I tailored it to fit my personality and my needs. The system has worked out wonderfully and I want to share it with the other domestically challenged people out there.

I have two lists side-by-side on my fridge. I took two dry erase boards and split them in half. In permanent marker I wrote out a daily chore list and a weekly chore list on the first board. On the second board I have a "To Do" list and a "Buy" list.

My Daily Chores Include:

- Make the Beds
- Do a Load of Laundry (wash, dry & put away)
- Take Vitamins
- Have Quiet Time
- Exercise
- Circle Time/Read (Kids)
- Empty/Clean Sink (Kitchen)
- Clear Kitchen Counters (Our trouble spot - declutter & wipe down)
- Wipe Down Bathrooms (Clear Counters, Wipe Down Sink & Toilet)
- Empty Trash Cans
- Sweep & Wipe Floors (Towel tied around a squeegee through house)
- Pick Up Clutter:
- Living Room
- Play Room
- Kid's Room
- Master Bedroom

My Weekly Chores are as Follows:

Monday:
- Kitchen (clean out & clean fridge, clean stove, wipe down cabinets, straighten spices/dry goods)

Tuesday:
- Mop
- Plan meals

Wednesday:
- Clean Bathrooms
- Grocery Shop

Thursday:
- Dust (Includes wiping fan blades and glass globes on lights)
- Vacuum

Friday:
- Mop
- Organize a Needed Area

Saturday:
-Indoor or Outdoor Project

Sunday:
- Off (Still do daily chores)

As I accomplish a task I put a dot next to the chore. Some chores, like picking up certain rooms, get done a couple times a day and I add a dot each time the chore is done. It's rewarding at the end of the day to see all I have done. This also helps me to not feel discouraged when the kiddos create a mess in a room I already cleaned because I see what I have done. Both lists take me about 1.5 hours a day to finish and I'm learning what jobs the boys can help me with.

The best reward, by far, has been being able to rest at night. I know that when I wake up in the morning last nights dinner mess won't greet me, the boys won't have an additional mess to add to, and I also love knowing that Brandon is walking into a pretty clean house. Some days I still slack, but those days are now the exception and not the norm.

Long Haul

2008-07-14T08:03:00.004-06:00

I read Sacred Marriage over a year ago, but have recently started to skim it again. The book, written by Gary Thomas, presses down on so many areas of my life. Each time I pick up the book I am reminded of my calling as a wife and the true intention of marriage.

The running theme through the book is "marriage is not about my happiness but about my call to holiness." The idea that Brandon cannot and will not make me happy goes against everything that society screams. I have often heard people going through a separation or divorce say "I just wasn't happy anymore" or "we just fell out of love." Brandon is not the source of my joy, but rather a wonderful bonus to what I have in the Lord. When I stop putting the expectation on Brandon to make me happy it stops making him an idol in my life.

I, self-admittedly, need a lot of affirmation. It is one of my biggest struggles, and I get bent when I don't receive the praise I think I deserve. When the Lord revealed to me the depth of my depravity and the extent of my selfishness I crumbled. This is another pressure I often put on Brandon, but I find when I am seeking and spending time with God that I am driven to serve my family regardless of the praise I do or do not receive.

I am attempting to learn to get Brandon off of the pedestal I have him on. When I start to allow his actions or words, whether positive or negative, to effect my actions or speech I lose sight of who I am in Christ. Like all couples, Brandon and I have had our ups and downs but I can't lose sight that our marriage is meant to bring God glory.

The Letter "P"

2008-07-10T07:20:00.004-06:00

Elias is known for saying some wonderfully funny things, but I must share the comment from the breakfast table this morning. The boys decided to wake up early enough to catch Sesame Street and so I flipped it on for them. Rachel Ray is a guest on the show and she starts to talk about pumpernickel bread and how pumpernickel starts with the letter "p."

I ask Elias, "Eli, can you say pumpernickel?"

Elias: "Punterickle"

I repeat: "Pumpernickel"

Elias: "Mama! I can't say punterickle because I'm not a girl yet. I'm a boy right now, but when I'm a girl I will say punterickle."

Pregnancy/Labor Tea

2008-07-08T07:18:00.005-06:00

I have been geeking out and studying the benefits of a few different kinds of teas. Throughout my training and pregnancies I have heard that red raspberry leaf (RRL) tea is good for toning the uterus, but "good" was an understatement. I am blown away to read about the effects of drinking RRL throughout pregnancy and the postpartum period. There are also a few other herbs I have learned are incredibly beneficial for the pregnant woman.

(Click on Tea Titles for More Extensive Information)

Red Raspberry Leaf Tea:

- Helps to tone the uterus for a shorter labor
- Can greatly reduce pain in labor
- High in many vitamins and minerals

In Scotland women would drink RRL tea throughout their pregnancy and then drink a very strong and hot brew as they go into labor. In the book Rodale's Encyclopedia of Natural Home Remedies several women give their account of the impact of RRL. Many women say that their labors were incredibly short and low(er) intensity, in comparison to their other births, after diligently drinking RRL tea. Here is a thread from MDC (you may want to grab a cup of tea - it's a long read)

Nettle Tea:

- Helps with high blood pressure, anemia, and pain!
- Eases leg cramps in pregnancy and improves circulation
- Thought to be the highest in Chlorophyll of all the herbs, and provides many other vitamins and minerals

(See Page 9 of the MDC article I posted above)

Alfalfa Tea:

- Helps with hypoglycemia, high blood pressure and the pituitary gland
- High in beta carotene, chlorophyll, and vitamins A & C

Peppermint:

- Helps with digestion and flavor :)
- Relieves muscle spasms
- Helps reduce pain

I will follow the Bulk Herb Store's recipe for my pregnancy tea but will start to increase the amount of RRL around week 36. I'll be the guinea pig and let you all know how it goes.

Our Homebirth Birth Plan

2008-07-07T09:35:00.005-06:00

I have been a part of some beautiful births as an apprentice midwife and doula, and definitely have an idea of how I expect my birth to go. I also enjoy hearing other natural childbirth professionals plan and discuss their plans for the birth of their children so I thought I would share. It will be fun to read this after our little one is born and see how close I was.

Day Leading Up to Birth:

I imagine waking up on a day close to my due date (hopefully 08/28 as it's my favorite grandpa's birthday) and taking my boys, who both made their arrival 10 days after their estimated due date, out for a morning of fun. Then we will come home, have lunch, and all lay down for a nap. I'll make a light dinner and wait for Brandon to come home. Brandon will come home, we'll eat, he'll play with the boys, and I'll have some quiet time. We will read to the boys and put them down for bed.

When Labor Begins:

I think I'll go into labor in the evening, because that seems to be when I relax most and when I started labor with the boys. I imagine the first wave of contractions coming on between 9:30-10 p.m. and being strong but manageable. After an hour of strong contractions they will pick up and I will need to focus and start to use my deep relaxation techniques. Around this time Brandon will call the midwife to give her a heads up, and I will more than likely get into the birth tub that has already been set up in baby's room.

I will more than likely find the hands/knees position the most manageable position, but I am really hoping to be able to squat in the tub through most of this birth. I am planning for back labor as that seems to be the way my body handles labor. The idea of back labor does not cause fear as I know what to expect and consciously know that the labor will have an end.

Time to Push:

After 3-4 hours of laboring I plan to have to push for under 20 minutes. Brandon and I both hope and plan on Brandon catching and being the first to touch our daughter. I think pushing will be a calm and focused time.

Boys Introduction:

If the birth happens the way I am planning then both boys will be asleep in their beds. We will wake them once their sister is here and spend some time together in our bed as a newly expanded family. If I go into labor during the day we will more than likely call a family friend so the boys can have a fun day while I labor.

Emotional Expectations:

I have been practicing my relaxation techniques faithfully and finding Scripture for my affirmations. I am really planning on this birth being very calm, and giving me an opportunity to appreciate the wondrous experience of natural birth. I am not fearful going into this birth and I must praise God for that victory. I was terrified to go into labor with Josiah because of the length of Elias' birth (45 hours), and in the the beginning of this pregnancy I was scared that baby girl's birth would go just as fast as Josiah's (3 hours) and I wouldn't be able to get on top of the contractions.

What We Will Use to Manage Labor:

- Scripture/Prayer/Affirmations
- WATER TUB!
- Massage
- Different Laboring and Pushing Positions in Water
- Homeopathic Aconite to slow down labor if needed and it also helps reduce fear

Our Daughter's Predicted Stats:

Birth Date: 08/28/08
Birth Time: 2:14 a.m.
Length of Birth: 4-5 hours
Weight: 8 lbs 2 oz
Length: 20 inches

Piper on Prosperity

2008-07-06T18:30:00.005-06:00

I'm Back!

2008-07-05T08:50:00.006-06:00

Our lovely Dell decided three weeks ago to take a dive, but I'm back and with a whole new realization of my old internet addiction.

The past few weeks have been so incredibly productive. In the first week I completely deep cleaned my entire house. Things were pulled out of cabinets and closets to be cleaned, organized and pitched. I went through nearly 100 magazines and pulled out articles, recipes and crafts to organize in one binder so I no longer have to search "for what I found in a magazine last year." (I'll write more about that one later.) By the end of Week 1 the baby's room was filled with things to donate and sell in an upcoming garage sale.

During the second week I started on my many plans for the baby's room. Her nursery is a mix of modern and feminine with bold colors (fuschia, turquoise, and butter cream yellow) and will be decorated with a few flowers and a ton of birds. I will have to post pics soon because I spent hour after hour hand sewing 3-D birds and making pictures for her wall. The squares for her quilt are cut, but I'm watching the sale papers for a decent coupon to finish the back.

The third week was spent creating lists of things that need to be done, ways rooms need to be organized, and ways to change the house up a bit. It was a fun week, and the task was so much easier to take on without a mess or excess things laying around.

I'm so sorry I didn't get Weeks 3 & 4 posted for my "What'd for Dinner?" blogs. Though I had every intention of writing down what we ate for dinner every night I didn't. I'll have to catch up with that idea another month.

I got in the habit of blogging last month and really missed it once the computer went down. Hopefully I'll pick it back up and be able to share more of our lives with those that read!

How to Make Iced Coffee at Home

2008-06-11T07:17:00.005-06:00

Not that I drink coffee pregnant ;)

Ingredients to make 4 tall glasses of iced coffee:

1 heaping cup of ground good coffee - we're snobs and stick to Starbucks or Dunn Brother's

4 cups of bottled water

A french press or coffee maker with a basket that doesn't require a paper liner (supposedly pulls oils from the coffee)

Raw sugar and cream to taste

1. Place coffee grounds in basket without a liner or the bottom of your large french press

2. Pour water into coffee maker or on top of grounds in your press

3. Brew :)

4. Pour brewed coffee into a pitcher

5. Add sugar to taste (we use 1/4 cup to sweeten all of the coffee)

6. Pour coffee over ice

7. Add cream to taste (or don't)

8. Enjoy!!!!

*To make a great pot of hot coffee the general rule is 1 tablespoon of coffee for every three ounces of water put into your coffee maker. This will make coffee about the strength as the cup of coffee you enjoy at Starbucks (or Dunn Brothers - yum!)*

What's For Dinner? - Week 2

2008-06-10T08:29:00.005-06:00

Sorry I'm late getting this out. We have had guests in town and family commitments.

Sprouts: 31.81

Walmart: 29.66 (Includes diapers)

Eating Out: 9.32

Total: $70.79

Menu

Breakfast:

Same as last week w/exception being Sunday, Monday & Tuesday we had whole wheat pancakes from a large batch made on Sunday.

Lunch:

Sunday: Family had leftover Spanish Rice

Monday: B - PB & Honey Sandwich, plum, nectarine, fig newtons & pretzels, Boys: PB&J, Annie's Honey Bunnies, & Apple

Tuesday: B - PB & Honey Sandwich, plum, nectarine, fig newtons & pretzels, Boys: PB&J, watermelon, plums, pretzels, N - Spanish Rice

Wednesday: B&N - Leftover orzo with Chicken, Boys - Bean and cheese quesadillas, grapes & nectarine

Thursday: B&N - Leftover orzo with chicken, Boys - PB & Honey sandwiches, plums, pretzels

Friday: B&N - Southwest rice salad, Boys - quesadillas and grapes

Saturday: Family - leftovers from week

Dinner:

Sunday: Graduation Party

Monday: B&N - Grilled Chicken salad w/ peppers, toms, mushrooms, & almonds, Boys: Chicken and Rice w/watermelon

Tuesday: Orzo - double batch (making for our sister & friend who are in town :)) & 2 chicken breasts

Wednesday: Chicken Kabobs w/zucchini, summer squash & mushrooms - wild rice on the side

Thursday: Southwest Rice Salad with Chicken

Friday: Chicken Paninis on sourdough with baked sweet potatoes and squash

Saturday: Cuban Black Beans and Rice w/tomatoes, side salad

Snacks this week:

Fruit - grapes, nectarines, plums, watermelon, apples

Almonds

Fig Newtons (major sale & very rare in house)

Annie's Honey Bunnies (Thanks Ya-Ya)

Josiah Turns 2

2008-06-05T09:41:00.011-06:00

Sunday was Josiah's 2nd birthday and we had such a wonderful day! Brandon and I took the boys to a splash park in The Colony, and the boys had tremendous fun. Elias ran in circles around the play equipment making sure to get drenched by each waterfall. Josiah ran from one end of the kiddie pool to the next until Mommy's back couldn't handle any more. That evening a few of the boy's friends were able to join us for cupcakes and a balloon fest.

Some Pictures:

And the funniest of all: THE BIRD LADY!

Step 1

2008-06-04T11:33:00.006-06:00

"Hello, my name is Niccole and I have a hoarding problem."

For those who have read my blog, and kept up with my quest for simplicity, you know that I have been on a mission for 1.5 years to declutter my house. I have thrown away, donated or sold over 2,000 items in the last year and it has been so freeing. My only regret was getting rid of our baby items thinking we were done having kids, but apart from that pitch fest I have not looked back.

Well, now I'm trying to make room for our sweet baby girl, and this means more decluttering. Last night I had Brandon move everything out of the guest room (what will be the nursery) and into our room, because I knew I wouldn't be able to stand the mess in our room for long. As of 10:30 a.m. I have managed to condense two rubbermaid containers into one small trunk and get rid of another 90 items of junk. I'm taking pictures and will update later.

Updated 06/05/08: The linen closet is now totally cleared out and clutter free. I have been able to rid our house of 250 items to sell or donate in the last 2 days, and have thrown away 3 lawn and leaf bags of junk. The baby's room now contains stacks of items to take pictures of to sell online or to sell in a garage sale. Whoo hoo!

What I'm asking myself as I go along:

1. What am I hoarding that may be able to bless someone else?

2. If this burned in a fire would I miss it or remember that it was gone?

3. When was the last time I used this item?

4. When will I use this item again?

5. Is this my "bunt pan"? (See my very old post)

6. Is this truly important to me or just something I'm clinging to because of the past? (This is a new revelation for me, and once I have it more thought out I will blog about this)

Back to work...

What's For Dinner?

2008-06-02T11:48:00.010-06:00

After talking with friends and hearing what other families spend on groceries I have learned that we have a modest grocery budget. When I share with people what we spend on groceries each month the first question out of their mouths is "WHAT DO YOU GUYS EAT???"

For the last year our grocery budget has been $350/month for our family of 4. This includes all toiletries, toilet paper and cleaning items (another post). When Elias was still in diapers we would sometimes go over but not often. I have decided that for the next month I am going to track what we spend a month on food on my blog and also post what we eat along with the recipes (if I don't post you can ask). I'm looking forward to sharing our favorite recipes, and seeing how we remain within our budget. I also believe this will be a great way to see what things we could cut out to save money and to live a more healthy lifestyle.

The biggest thing that made a difference in our grocery budget (and our waistline) was learning portion sizes last summer. We bought an inexpensive food scale at Ross and measure our meat, and other food items that don't fit in measuring cups, to know we are eating the right sized portions for our needs. Things like pasta and rice were measured with measuring cups until we learned what a true serving looked like.

I went grocery shopping on Saturday (May 31) for dinner on 05/31 and to start off the new month. So here we go:

Wal-Mart: $26.23

Sprouts: $53.75 (included a 10lb stock up on chicken)

Total Wk 1:$ 79.98

Menu WK 1:

Saturday (05/31)

Dinner: Arroz con Pollo

Breakfast (Nearly everyday unless I make whole wheat pancakes):

Brandon: 2 hard boiled eggs/day, 3/4 cup oatmeal

Niccole: 1 yogurt with 1/3 oatmeal, banana

Boys: 2 bananas, 1 cup oatmeal w/cranberries and almonds, yogurt

Lunch:

Monday: B&N - leftover Arroz con Pollo, B yogurt and Fig Newtons w/his lunch, Boys - Peanut Butter and honey sandwich, apple, pretzels

Tuesday: B&N - leftover orzo and chicken, B almonds and Fig Newton w/his lunch, Boys - cheese and bean quasadillas

Wednesday: Entire Family - leftover chicken sandwiches, fruit, and pretzels

Thursday: B - PB/Honey sandwich, yogurt, fig newtons & almonds or leftover Arroz con Pollo, N- leftover Arroz con Pollo, Boys - PB&honey sandwich, pretzels & apple

Friday - B&N - leftover spanish rice, Josiah - Spanish rice, Elias - beans and rice

Saturday - we will be at a graduation party for lunch time

Dinner:

Sunday: Quesadillas - cheese, chicken, grilled onions/peppers, smashed black beans & salsa

Monday: Orzo Salad (see previous post for recipe) with 1 (very!) large chicken breast served on the side.

Tuesday: BBQ Chicken sadwiches (I make mine in crock pot), baked potato, and spinach side salad

Wednesday: Bean, cheese, and avocado tostadas with lettuce, tomato and salsa on top with a fruit salad (grapes, nectarines, apples, black berries)

Thursday: Spanish Rice with Chicken grilled and tossed in the rice, spinach side salad

Friday: Ratatouille

Saturday: Red Beans and Rice and corn bread with spinach salad

30 minute Project Lasts 3 Hours

2008-05-29T12:45:00.005-06:00

I have been working on making a pouch sling for 3 hours this morning. My boys had plenty of time to create their mess, and the mess I made with fabric could have been easily solved had I seen this video earlier:

How to Make a Pouch Sling

EZZO'S LIES

2008-05-28T07:44:00.004-06:00

I often wonder if the practice of "crying-it-out" is my generation's hot topic much like bottle feeding was with my mother's generation. When Elias was a baby I had read very little about crying-it-out (CIO), but knew that it went against every motherly instinct I had. However, I would continually hear "don't let the baby manipulate you" or "train up a child..." I would retreat and go against what I felt as a mother.

By the time Josiah came along 17 months later I knew I could not go through what I went through with Elias. God pressed down on my heart and began to speak to me about Fatherhood. My loving Father knows me, responds to my cries and comforts me. He would teach me about my precious son, reveal to me the source of his cries, and help me to comfort Josiah. It was a breaking experience and endless hours were spent rocking and bouncing Josiah. I learned sacrifice and selflessness, the Lord's sustainment, and how to get comfort and guidance from my Father.

Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo have become well-known for writing the books On Becoming Babywise and Growing Kids God's Way. I have become sickened to learn that so many churches endorse GKGW and believe it to be the heart of God for parenting. The more I study Isaiah and the precious heavenly Dad I have the more sickened I am at the lies Ezzo attempts to preach.

There are many resources on the net that argue Ezzo's teachings, but I have grown particularly fond of one in particular. I hope that as a soon-to-parent, parent, or as an influential person in a child's life that you will take time to read through this website:

Ezzo Info

Debunking the Myths - Unto the Least of These

2008-05-28T07:29:00.003-06:00

Waiting so patiently
Your face, Our joy
Perfection in His hands
Every bit my dream

Never right the wrongs
Will never be the same

Together we will rise
A wondrous part of me

The beauty of His grace
He would give me you
I’ll gently guard His gift

My precious baby girl

Heart Check

2008-05-27T09:17:00.004-06:00

It seems like the appreciation for God's provision can so easily slip my mind. I get caught up in the desire for material or tangible things and lose sight of the importance of the blessings I already have in my life. So as of today there will be a new list on my fridge, "Everything We Need We Already Have!" It is my goal to have every talking person in our family to put a new thing on the list everyday.

I'll post the start of our list, and hopefully if you're reading you'll add your own!

Everything I Need I Already Have!

- Great Husband

- A home that is cozy and shelters us well

- Two amazing kids & another on the way

- Clothes that serve their purpose

- Incredible Friends

- A job for Brandon to go to everyday

- We are all very healthy

- I'm able to be a stay-at-home-mom

- Healthy food to serve my family

- A dependable gas guzzler.....grrrr, car :)

Your turn...

Jenny - It's a New Blog and It's About Orzo!

2008-05-26T19:29:00.006-06:00

Jenny and Nate are amazing for so many reasons (one day I will list the ways), but one thing I appreciate about Jenny is her wonderful ability to cook. When Jenn says she's bringing food over this pregnant woman gets excited. Last night we decided to have a little cook out, and while the guys worked on remodeling our bathroom Jenny and I cooked.

The Menu:

Zen Green Tea w/Mint (Incredible)

Lemon/Herb Marinated Grilled Chicken

Rosemary and Butter Potatoes

Spinach Salad w/ Tomatoes, Cucumbers, Peppers, Parmesan, Salt and Pepper - Drizzled with Newman's Own Balsamic Vinaigrette Dressing

Zucchini and Summer Squash Kabobs

and.....

Giadia De Laurentis recipe for Orzo Salad

Let me just tell the 3 people that read my blog that you all have to try this salad! It is the best pasta salad I have ever tried. This will be on our menu at least twice a month - well, as soon as I learn where to find that fancy red wine vinegar in the grocery store. ;)

Used Diapers

2008-04-03T19:10:00.004-06:00

Normally I would not be thrilled to drive 20 minutes to pick up 3 bags of used baby diapers, but today I was overwhelmed with excitement and gratitude to toss garbage bag after garbage bag into the back of my Rodeo. An incredibly kind and generous woman gave me nearly 150 cloth diapers, covers and inserts today for free.

There is easily $300 worth of diapers sitting in my guest room right now. I really have stop and praise God for the family that was so thoughtful. We had wanted to cloth diaper Josiah, but the initial investment is quite steep. With the variation of sizes we will now be able to finish Siah out in cloth and start our newbie out 'sposie free!

Caught up in my excitement I called my friends to tell them my news, and being the supportive friends they are they were all excited for me. My friend Elyse will be coming over soon to help me sort through my treasure stacks, and I'm sure my lovely friend Meredith will be taking notes on my mishaps. My father-in-law laughed when I proudly announced we would attempt to cloth diaper, and the image of me up to my elbows in poo smeared cotton made me laugh as well.

There is so much to learn about cloth diapering and the lingo almost haulted me in my endeavors. There are all-in-ones, pre-folds, plastic covers, wool covers, inserts, special detergents, and the list goes on and on. While this will be a whole new adventure on the baby frontier I am thrilled to have this opportunity - especially knowing what I know about disposables.

I'm going to go stack, re-stack and marvel at my stash now. All advice is welcome.

Scattered Thoughts on My New Found Liberalism

2008-03-17T17:45:00.008-06:00

For the last few weeks I have watched my flat stomach morph into a beautiful pregnant belly. I have grown increasingly aware of the blessing it is to have two amazing little boys and another child growing in my womb. There is no doubt in my mind that life begins at conception and that every child is a gift from God.

I believe abortion, apart from saving the woman’s life, is wrong at every level. To the dismay of my grieving heart, thousands of babies without a voice are murdered every year. Women are left emotionally scarred and physically empty, and somehow their life continues.

I am also a strong advocate of homebirth, and my right to choose where I will deliver my children. Hours have been spent educating and encouraging women to take charge of their pregnancies, labors and deliveries. I have all but shouted that our care providers work for us and in no way can tell us what to do with our bodies and babies.

Many people are horrified at my decision to labor and birth outside of the hospital. They ignorantly believe it to be more dangerous than birthing in a hospital, irresponsible for me to take an alternative route, and barbaric when hospitals have endless technology. Many of those people wear white coats, and sit on boards that the government listens to closely.

This is where two of my biggest passions collide. The upcoming elections are pressing down on my belief system. If I attempt to tell women, with my vote, what is or is not acceptable for them to do with their children, then I wonder how long it will be before someone does the same for me. When the government starts regulating women and their choices then all choices are challenged, and we’re all left at the mercy of what other people believe we should do.

I cannot pretend to have a solution, nor do I have this all thought out. However, as a Christian well informed on pregnancy and birth choices, I cling to the words of my pastor, “you will never legislate transformed lives.” The responsibility of ending abortion should not be entrusted to the government. Pro-life supporters should be laboring to educate and be a messenger of love, grace and mercy for those who are facing the choice to abort their babies. This action may keep the government from imposing their laws on my birth choices and children, and may keep thousands of babies who may have been aborted safe in their wombs.

Sadly enough, most Christians will feel like they did their part by voting for the pro-life candidate on Election Day and their conscience will be clear.

Lightbulbs

2008-02-26T20:31:00.007-06:00

This week was our first week to start homeschooling. While I have fully appreciated watching my children learn and grow there is something magical about the discipline of educating. We have our posters with shapes, colors, numbers and the alphabet. There is a joy in watching and training my children to honor God with their minds.

I must admit I am overwhelmed at how I will approach their education. Nights have been spent laying awake wondering if I will do my children a disservice, if I will truly learn along with them, and how I will accommodate their learning styles. For as nervous as I am, I am also encouraged because of the amazing person my homeschooled husband turned out to be.

Brandon and I plan to "un-school." What this means I don't fully understand yet, but it has been incredible fun learning how to burst out of the box. We both feel that if we are just going to have our kids do worksheets we might as well send them to school;however, if we are going to labor to truly educate our kids it is a 24/7/365 job.

Example: I am making breakfast. I hold up an egg and ask Elias what it is I am holding. He responds an "egg." But we don't stop there. We talk about where eggs come from (chicken-farm-grocery store), that egg starts with an "e", that the clear part is called the "white" and that the yellow is a "yolk." We talk about roosters and hens being male and female. All of this happens while I am making breakfast. Anyone who has known me longer than a week knows that I am not a morning person, and that I would prefer to not talk in the morning, but this homeschooling my children - a sacrifice.

So here we are: week 1.

better day

2008-02-05T10:05:00.002-06:00

i’ll cautiously live in the white and tremble at the thought of gray. my hands will lift at the right moment, and my feet shuffle to the appropriate tune; however, i will guard my brothers against the possibility of viewing my femininity in such movements. adventure and longing for the things unknown will be stifled if it means depriving myself in the joy of things distant from the god you preach. i will attempt to hold my head high in humility and yet find my identity in the savior you don’t seem to understand. the checklist of what i have done wrong and the sins i have avoided will be pinned to my shirt. i will condemn my actions as i lay on my pillow, because i have seemingly found myself cursed. my lips did not pray, my heart did not sing, and my rebellious eyes turned from the book that is meant to lead me. tomorrow, if i promise to be good, maybe i will find favor with the god you have placed in a box.

Addicted

2007-11-26T14:37:00.004-06:00

Thanksgiving Day 2007 was a day I never would have expected. Brandon and I woke up unusually early to get our family ready and out of the door by 7 a.m.

Brandon and I loaded up our kids and headed to Downtown Dallas:

The day before Thanksgiving I found myself registering for an 8 mile race. In June I couldn't run 45 seconds straight, and the day where I would normally only be focusing on gorging myself I was preparing to run with 28,000 people in 40 degree weather.

The gun went off and the crowd inched forward. I took it easy and enjoyed the scenery of running the streets of Dallas. People chatted and tried to stay warm. Soon the chatter dwindled and the heavier breathing picked up. I slowly started to find holes in the crowd and advance. I was encouraged the first 3 miles, but when I saw I had only reached mile 4 I found myself growing weary. The crowd cheered when we met the mile marker. Strength in numbers.

I zoned out miles 5 and 6 and just enjoyed breath after breath. Then I saw what I was sure would hault my pace. A bridge. A bridge that arched over the Trinity river, and we had to run up the bridge. I grew discouraged but kept running. If I could give birth to two children naturally I could run up a bridge. My legs ached, my lungs burned, and my adreniline rushed. I longed to rest.

Praise began to escape from my heart. I began to thank God for an able body, legs that would carry me, and strong lungs. My heart overflowed with gratitude for my Creator. Suddenly I knew I could make it. My legs moved faster, my pace picked up and it was me and the hill.

I saw the 7 mile marker in the distance and could not believe that I was nearing the end. The crowd I was running with began to clap and cheer eachother on. "One more mile" and "we're in the home stretch" echoed throughout the crowd. As I quickened my cadence I shortened my breath.

The finish line drew closer and closer and my eyes began to dart. Could he see me? Would the boys know what to watch for? Where were they? Then I saw the clock. Everything else faded as I inhaled deeply and darted for the line.

I finished. Completed something I started. I ran my first race.

My official time was 1 hour 16 minutes and 14 seconds. I ran a 9:32/mile pace!

My Encouragement!

2007-11-20T14:00:00.003-06:00

There once was a girl from Detroit
Who many a men chose to exploit
With sucker stained lips
Her hands on her hips
She walked away rather adroit

Margo's Daughter.

2007-11-20T13:42:00.003-06:00

From under your dust
Found me to be beautiful.
Fierce. Radiant. Strong.

Daily Confession:

2007-11-19T12:49:00.001-06:00

Idle Hands

Resting is a good thing, but laziness is my ally. I find 1,001 ways to become distracted from my "To-Do List," and 1,002 ways to justify my lack of motivation. Before signs of false repentance appear I will stop.

Into the Wild

2007-11-18T11:07:00.003-06:00

A warrior cry escaped from my burdened chest last night as I watched the story of freedom, defeat and self-discovery unfold on the movie screen. Genres of movies range from comedic to horrific but last night the movie “Into the Wild” was life changing. As young person living in a consumer driven society I identified with the simplicity of being a “leather-tramp.” I was able to learn something about the inherent need of man to be free while still being bound by the sin of this world, and I learned what it is to count all things as loss before my King.

The pursuit to living a simple life began last year at exactly this time. My desire is to be free from materialism, the fear of people’s opinions of me and my choices, and to not be tied down by “stuff.” As I labor in this world I want to enjoy the fruit of my toil, but not in things I can acquire. Rewards for my work as a wife are knowing I’m fulfilling my husband’s need to be taken care of and appreciated, seeing my children smile, learn, and grow, and having the satisfaction that everything I own can be gone tomorrow but I would still have a life of abundance.

Last night as I watched the movie I identified with so many of the choices Alexander, the protagonist, made. After his college graduation Alexander’s mother was anxious to share their plans of buying him a new car, but he vehemently argued to keep his Dotson. That night as he sat in his room, finalizing his college experience, he wrote a $24,000 check from his savings to a charity, shredded every piece of identification. and released himself from the bondage of possessions. Soon after he sacrificed the car he fought for by beginning his journey in a rushing flood in the desert.

We live in a fallen and depraved world and all of Creation is looking for release. Our souls cry out to be free, and we try to pacify our longing with things, experiences, and people. I watched last night as Alexander went searching for answers and fleeing from the norm; however, he always had to face the reality of himself and his history.

I can long for a different time and place, for different people and circumstance, but wherever I go there I am. The only freedoms I will ever have on Earth are knowing Christ, Him crucified, and my identity according to His sacrifice. As I watched Alex standing before the great Alaskan mountains I felt the diminutiveness of man compared to the greatness of God, and the humility of the realization caused my spirit to tremble.

In watching the film I learned how to breathe. I’m not going to backpack across the states or live in a bus on the side of a mountain, but I can surrender to the Creator who challenges me to lay down my idols. I can generously give and sacrificially live. What I have I can share and I can minimize my desires.

Simplicity isn’t in what I own, the size of my house, or in my appearance. Simplicity is where I put my value. My “wild” is the life I know here in suburbia. It is not tackling a bear, but my ability as a housewife. The challenge is to battle my demons and fight a good fight so my children don’t have to. To love and invest in both my friends and my enemies as Jesus Himself would. My “wild” is being fiercely intimate with people in ways that my fears have always kept me from. Sharing in the joy and sorrows of man as I give a voice to the atrocities of man against creation. If I lose sight of the importance, and fail to praise my wondrous God, I pray that the points of distraction will be stripped from me, and I will be pulled from my comfort.

Granola-ism at it's Finest

2007-10-18T11:38:00.001-06:00

Sunday morning I woke up feeling terrible. The first 15 minutes I excused it as a hang-over until I realized that a glass of wine and 1 Cuba Libre would not leave me feeling the way I did. As the day progressed I felt more and more sick. I couldn't walk, sit, stand, or lay down without feel like I was going to pass out or throw up. My throat hurt, my neck ached, and I was wearing two shirts and a sweater on an 85 degree day.

Monday I was worse. I couldn't function and it hurt to breathe. I finally took a look at my throat and it was solid white. Strep throat. The enemy from my childhood. Swigs of wretched bubble gum flavored medicine and gargles of salt water. Not wanting to pay for an office visit, and absolutely not wanting to go on the antibiotics that most docs swear you have to go on to overcome Strep I turned to my holistic ways.

So the journey began. Clove after clove of garlic. Yes, I began to chew and swallow whole cloves of garlic every four hours. Less than 24 hours later my throat was back to normal and I'm feeling great.

I told my mother-in-law of my discovery and she laughed. Apparently her father would gnaw on garlic as his source of antibiotics. I love the way the "old world medicine" works. I'm not against modern medicine, but if you can find a holistic approach then why not? The immune system can build up an immunity to antibiotics but not garlic, hmmmm....

Here are some links:

http://www.garlic-central.com/antibiotic.html

http://pubs.acs.org/subscribe/journals/mdd/v05/i04/html/04news4.html

http://www.nutraingredients.com/news/ng.asp?id=48740-garlic-compound-beats

2007-10-18T11:04:00.001-06:00

Click to play | Make your own Smilebox

Refreshed

2007-10-04T13:18:00.001-06:00

Brandon and I had the opportunity to spend an amazing weekend with Brandon’s best friend and his bride last weekend. Aaron was the best man in our wedding, a friend that has stood by Brandon through life’s tumultuous ways, and has spoken truth into our lives in a lovingly offensive way. Last weekend was different.

The four of us were able to share in life’s joys, hardships and fellowship the way I imagine God created His children to mingle. We were blown away by how Sara, Aaron’s wife, and I are so much alike. I laughed, became choked up, rejoiced in true friendship, and mourned when they left on their plane back to California.

By the end of the weekend it felt as though Sara and I had known each other for years and we had been given the time to naturally become friends. Something clicked and I could identify with my new friend at a level I do not experience often enough. Sara is one of those people that you meet for a moment but leaves an imprint on your heart forever.

I had honestly forgotten the joy that Aaron is. He’s loud, passionate and enthusiastic about life; yet, he now has the responsibilities of a man and the tenderness of a husband. It was beautiful to see the transformation from the carelessness of youth to the honorable role he had stepped into as the priest of his home.

We talked late into the night about the church, theology, their adventures into South America, and our dream to one day live life together. The experience was refreshing and soulful. There were times of vulnerability and times when uncontainable laughter erupted in the car.

I praise God for friends that go the distance. Friends that chase you when you try to walk away, and friends that remind you what the grace of God is all about. I look forward to finding out what God has in store for this irreplaceable friendship God renewed this weekend.

Profound Teaching on Hosea

2007-08-28T12:30:00.003-06:00

The last two months I felt and experienced the "alluring" of God into the wilderness. He has given me much hope and comfort in Hosea 2. My eyes have been opened to my idolatry and the many ways I have rejected my first LOVE. Below is a teaching that I came across that is beautiful, profound, and humbling,

Hosea 2 - Sin, Judgment, and Restoration

1. (14-15) Abundance and joy restored.

“Therefore, behold, I will allure her, will bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfort to her. I will give her her vineyards from there, and the Valley of Achor as a door of hope; she shall sing there, as in the days of her youth, as in the day when she came up from the land of Egypt.”

a. I will allure her . . . speak comfort to her: Once Israel has felt the discomfort of her deprivation, then she will listen to the voice of God once again, and He will allure her back to Himself.

i. Spurgeon on I will allure her: “This is a singular kind of power: ‘I will allure her;’ not, ‘I will drive her’ not even, ‘I will draw her,’ or, ‘I will drag her;’ or, ‘I will force her.’ No, ‘I will allure her.’ It is a very remarkable word, and it teaches us that the allurement of love surpasses in power all other forces. That is how the devil ruins us; he tempts us with honeyed words, sweet utterances, with the baits of pleasure and the like; and the Lord in mercy determines that, in all truthfulness, he will outbid the devil, and he will win us to himself by fascinations, enticements, and allurements which shall be stronger than any force of resistance we may offer. This is a wonderfully precious word: ‘I will allure her.’”

b. The Valley of Achor as a door of hope: Achor means “trouble,” so the Valley of Achor is the “Valley of Trouble.” It was a place of trouble, where Achan’s sin was discovered and judged (Joshua 7:26). God’s restoration is so great that He will transform the “Valley of Trouble” into a door of hope.

c. She shall sing there, as in the days of her youth: When Israel is restored, she will be restored to joy. The passing pleasures of sin are forgotten and the true pleasures of God are restored.

2. (16-20) Relationship restored.

“And it shall be, in that day,” says the Lord, “That you will call Me ‘My Husband,’ and no longer call Me ‘My Master,’ For I will take from her mouth the names of the Baals, and they shall be remembered by their name no more. In that day I will make a covenant for them with the beasts of the field, with the birds of the air, and with the creeping things of the ground. Bow and sword of battle I will shatter from the earth, to make them lie down safely. I will betroth you to Me forever; Yes, I will betroth you to Me In righteousness and justice, In lovingkindness and mercy; I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, and you shall know the Lord.

a. You will call Me “My Husband”: With great anticipation, God looks forward to the day when relationship is genuinely restored with His people. He wants an intimate love-relationship with His people, and longs for the day when His people will have a marriage-like love and commitment to their God.

b. And not longer call Me “My Master”: God was not satisfied with a fear-based, obedience-focused relationship with His people where they thought of Him primarily as Master. He wanted a relationship where they thought of Him primarily as Husband.

c. I will take from her mouth the names of the Baals: In Hebrew, the name “Baal” comes from the word “Master” and the two words sound alike. It was the Baals, the idols of the nations, that wanted this “master-slave” relationship with man. But not the Lord God; He wants a love-based, commitment-based relationship with His people.

d. Bow and sword of battle I will shatter from the earth: Ultimately, this blessing of restored relationship will result in a transformed earth, changed both ecologically (beasts of the field . . . birds of the air) and politically. This blessing will be fulfilled in the millennial earth, but we can come to know the transforming power of restored relationship right now.

e. I will betroth you to Me forever: When relationship with the Lord is ultimately restored, it will never be broken again. Relationship will be restored on a solid foundation (In righteousness and justice, in lovingkindness and mercy), and will result in deeper and deeper relationship (you shall know the Lord).

3. (21-23) Blessing restored.

“It shall come to pass in that day that I will answer,” says the Lord; “I will answer the heavens, and they shall answer the earth. The earth shall answer with grain, with new wine, and with oil; they shall answer Jezreel. Then I will sow her for Myself in the earth, and I will have mercy on her who had not obtained mercy; then I will say to those who were not My people, ‘You are My people!’ and they shall say, ‘You are my God!’“

a. I will answer: This is great blessing of real, vibrant relationship with God. Our hearts beat in rhythm to His, and so we want what He wants. So when we ask God to do things, we already ask what He wants to do - so He will answer.

i. This is the same principle Jesus taught: If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. (John 15:7)

b. The earth shall answer with grain, with new wine, and with oil: When relationship is where it is supposed to be, God abundantly provides. This is the same principle Jesus taught in Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

c. They shall answer Jezreel: The name “Jezreel” means “Scattered,” and could be used in a negative sense (as in Hosea 1:4-5). But it was also the word used to describe the good scattering of seed, “Sowing.” Here, the Lord promises glorious redemption of the name Jezreel, which was first given as a sober reminder of scattering in judgment. Now it becomes a prophecy of the promise, “I will sow her for Myself in the earth.” God will restore His people to abundance and blessing. Scattering will be transformed into sowing.

d. And I will have mercy on her who had not obtained mercy: Hosea’s second child, a daughter, was named Lo-Ruhamah, meaning “No Mercy” (Hosea 1:6). That name, originally given as a marker of judgment is now transformed into a mark of restoration.

e. Then I will say to those who were not My people, “You are My people!” Hosea’s third child, a son, was named Lo-Ammi, meaning “Not My People” (Hosea 1:9). That name, originally given as a marker of judgment, is now transformed into a mark of restoration.

f. And they shall say, “You are my God!” With this, the restoration is complete. The Lord relates to His people as their God, and His people relate to Him as His people. This is relationship, full of warmth and love, and what God longs for.

i. Think about it: Which one of the pagan gods of the nations ever wanted the love of their followers? Which of them ever asked, “Do you love me?” False gods don’t want our love, they want our fear, our obedience, our slave-like sacrifice and devotion. But the true God, the living God, isn’t satisfied with just our fear, our obedience, or even with our slave-like sacrifice and devotion. He wants our love, freely given and enjoyed in relationship with Him. If we miss this, we miss the heart of God’s work in us and for us.

ii. We see complete restoration. All three of Hosea’s children, named as marks of judgment, now have their names restored and made into marks of mercy, grace, and restoration. God is that good!

Learning to Run!

2007-08-15T15:18:00.002-06:00

Sweat rolls down her back and she knows she can. Just a little farther, a little faster, a little harder. Her body graciously moves as her breathing becomes heavy. This is about her and not crowds cheering her on or the approval of man. Better than yesterday but not nearly as good as tomorrow. Endurance, perseverance, pushing oneself to a breaking point all to beat a number. Aching legs and forgotten sorrows she carries on. Her body slows. Doubt rolls in. What she has been running from mile after mile is catching up. Not today. She won't quit. Neck and neck with her own self-doubt she pulls ahead remembering when in fact she couldn't. Her face lights up and her stride widens. Long, lean, muscular legs flex their way to the finish line. Sprinting her last lap she learns what it is to suck air. "Push, push, push, push, push, push, push, push... Done!" 30 seconds faster 48.5 minutes longer then when she first began.

"Yes, ma'am there are some real runners up here today."

Chocolate Covered Tofu

2007-06-29T11:20:00.002-06:00

I am riding out the aftermath of an all night birth, and made a profound discovery in the midst of my exhaustion. I'm a hypocrite when it comes to my health. I encourage, coach, and provide women with the tools to take charge of their birth experiences but I am not taking care of my health.

Brandon and I have been eating organic and an overall decent diet for a few months now but it's not enough. I must decide that I want to be responsible for my well-being, the leading expert on my body's needs, and focused on using what God has given me to glorify Him. I cannot put my health off, or be naive enough to believe I'm doing enough. It is time for me to grow up and realize the beauty of stewarding my body.

I am against chemicals and pharmaceuticals but cave into my cravings for sugar. My mind grasps the importance of a healthy lifestyle; yet, my emotions give way to the temptations of food. If I lack discipline in the little things I will lack discipline in the greater things.

I may not be so passionate about this after I get some sleep so if you read this nudge me as a reminder.

Insight @ Sbux

2007-06-10T18:57:00.002-06:00

I sit in my truck and watch him. He wheels up to his table, water bottle in lap, and glances around the cafe. Looking out the window, my stare breaks and I look at my lap. Two working legs and thumbs that easily twirl in my discomfort.

Inching towards the table he stretches his buckled hands to place the water on the table. Again his eyes dart from corner to corner trying to identify a wandering pair of eyes. Each twisted hand helps the other as the bottle is spun and his teeth serve him. Cautiously he turns the bottle not wanting dribbles of water to misplace themselves on his shirt. Slowly he eases the bottle down and turns the cap with what strength he has. The lid comes off and he drinks with confidence, and this was one of his many feats for the day. Impaired yet has the fortitude of a man.

Placed at the table he methodically pries open the crisp seams of his new book. That is his world. Where his body lacks his mind soars. He journey's places thought limited by a chair. He will see deeper, learn more and go farther. He is beautiful.