I often wonder if the practice of "crying-it-out" is my generation's hot topic much like bottle feeding was with my mother's generation. When Elias was a baby I had read very little about crying-it-out (CIO), but knew that it went against every motherly instinct I had. However, I would continually hear "don't let the baby manipulate you" or "train up a child..." I would retreat and go against what I felt as a mother.
By the time Josiah came along 17 months later I knew I could not go through what I went through with Elias. God pressed down on my heart and began to speak to me about Fatherhood. My loving Father knows me, responds to my cries and comforts me. He would teach me about my precious son, reveal to me the source of his cries, and help me to comfort Josiah. It was a breaking experience and endless hours were spent rocking and bouncing Josiah. I learned sacrifice and selflessness, the Lord's sustainment, and how to get comfort and guidance from my Father.
Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo have become well-known for writing the books On Becoming Babywise and Growing Kids God's Way. I have become sickened to learn that so many churches endorse GKGW and believe it to be the heart of God for parenting. The more I study Isaiah and the precious heavenly Dad I have the more sickened I am at the lies Ezzo attempts to preach.
There are many resources on the net that argue Ezzo's teachings, but I have grown particularly fond of one in particular. I hope that as a soon-to-parent, parent, or as an influential person in a child's life that you will take time to read through this website:
9 comments:
I will read the links that you have here, but I did want to add some things to what you say...it hit me personally.
I love my children dearly and pray that I am parenting the way God wants me to parent every day. I do rock, hold, cuddle, embrace my children all the time. I have let both of my children CIO, with limits. I do believe that CIO can help a child learn to soothe. If that makes you think I am a horrible mom for doing so then I can only pray that this be a learning experience for both of us.
Neither of my children have been harmed and are able to fall asleep peacefully without me staying up for hours to put them back to sleep when they wake in the middle of the night. If you CHOOSE to rock your child all hours of the night, co-sleep, CIO, whatever it may be the point is you are doing it. You made the decision to raise your child the way you are doing so. You are there for your children and you are loving your children. Let's be careful to not judge others on their parenting when the children are thriving in a loving environment.
I have a lot going through my head on this one, but want to go nurse my little one now.
This blog contains "I" and "me" statements as I know and have experienced where this discussion can go. I have read On Becoming Babywise and Growing Kids God's Way, and as an educator have spent endless hours researching and studying many forms of parenting. It is my job to be well informed for those I work with. This is a personal blog and contains MY choices and writings. I don't have it all figured out, and I'm working through parenting decisions like everyone else.
As I wrote in my first paragraph, I let Elias CIO and later became convicted about that choice. CIO is now something I know is not right for me; however, I am not judging those who do not hold those same convictions. There are many areas that God speaks to a person about, but that doesn't mean that it's a standard for all believers.
My prayer is that every parent would turn to God and His desire for their family. No judgement here - I was sharing my story and my heart.
I know personally that i STILL have issues with soothing myself. my parents would leave me to myself when i was upset, and it taught me nothing but an overwhelming sense of loneliness that i still struggle with. it didn't work for me, and i can't abandon my kids like that. (i say abandon, because that's what it felt like to me, not because i'm judging others) my parents were (are) great, but no one is perfect.
not to speak for niccole, but for me, i cannot let my children CIO to "learn to sooth" because it's not right for my kids. and the issue is that that this man is writing books and claiming that his way of parenting is Biblical. i think that he's wrong to assume that his way is the best for all kids.
i will do my best to not assume that NOT CIO is the best for all kids, but it seems quite impossible.
I let both both of my children CIO, although very little with the second child. I never felt right about it. To be honest, I was so sleep deprived and desperate I sincerely thoought I might do something worse had I continued attempting to comfort them, as I had no help from anyone else. Even then, I did not feel it was ideal, only a better alternative to what I felt I might do otherwise. Knowing what I do now, about the babies who have died and understanding more deeply the needs (beyond just the physical) of babies, I think I would be able to find the determination to not resort to CIO if we had another child. I believe that our brain records experiences even when we are too young to remember and they can later affect us in ways we might never attribute to those experiences. For me, understanding that babies don't cry for no reason has had a big impact on my point of view. A baby who is fed and changed can still have many other needs, physical and emotional and crying is their only way to communicate these. Our lack of response may eventually cause them to stop crying but that does not mean that the need was met. The baby just gives up hope that anyone is going to do anything about it and I think that makes a child insecure, not independent and I think that is so sad. I do not think I am or was a bad mom, and you have never made me feel that way either. We are all just sorting through life and doing the best we can.
I need to remember that you are disagreeing with the authors and not mothers who practice what the authors write. I felt attacked when you mentioned what God does for us and that it is selfish to not sacrifice (I feel I do daily)...your blog is great and educates instead of follows the crowd.
I did not follow Baby Wise to the t and do disagree with some of the philosophies. My prayer is that parents take control of their parenting and read many different parenting books (maybe we only need one, the Bible?)...not to just conform to what is popular at the time. From what I have seen I think you are a great Mom and think you have some great ideas, great beliefs and have a lot to teach. Sorry for being hormonal in my first comment!
CIO - such a gray/grey area!!! What does one mean when they say this? What age are we talking? Length of time? Closed in a room alone or soothed every so many # of minutes. A few whimpers, a few minutes of crying, or a blood curdling scream? Its not a black and white conversation. I think that's why people have such a hard time with discussing it online. I could add my experiences and what I've learned with the answers above, but its way to long. Maybe I'll blog about it one day...
Though I believe CIO is not a B&W issue, Ezzo's theories are clearly B&W. The evidence is clear. It is dangerous to follow his method.
Its hard being a first time mom. There are so many things I wish I had known more about before Cade had been born, this being one of them.
I agree that mothers have to evaluate their personal situations and that most of us have sincere intentions toward our children. And I try not to judge a loving mother who is doing her best(that's all any of us CAN do) no matter how we may differ in our opinions.
What really burns me is people using scripture out of context to support their agenda. Twisting scriptures to their advantage gives them the "weight" they need to force their will on anyone who claims to be a Christan, thereby obligating them to "obey". It makes me so angry!
I've been thinking about the American ideal of independence too and our obsession with instilling it in our children. I'd never actually THOUGHT about it, and yeah, I'm pretty sure it's overrated.
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