4/12/2007

Bundt Pan

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A few months ago I read this post on the Internet:

“The Bundt Pan is the perfect example of something you never use but feel like you need to keep it.

For me, the "bundt pan" (which I probably own somewhere in my many packed goods) is something that represents the person I want to be, but am not. I want to be someone who makes wonderful cakes in pretty bundt pans. But I never have. So I keep the bundt pan hoping I will be that person.

Maybe I should say to myself: WHEN I am that person and when I want to bake something in a bundt pan, I give myself liberty to just go right out and buy one, that minute, without worrying about how much money I've wasted by getting rid of the one I had and buying one at the last minute. Its probably a very small price to pay for the freedom of not keeping all the "Bundt Pans" in my life. There are so many things I keep because I hope I will be the type of person that will use them. I might someday be that person for one or two of the items, and yes I'll go buy another one, but considering how much I'll gain by not being weighed down by the others. I need to give myself the freedom to let go of the rest.

I also think all the "Bundt Pan"s weigh us down mentally. Every time I see it I am reminded that I am not the type of person who cooks bundt cakes, though I want to be. It's almost like a criticism in physical form. I need to let go of that, I do not want to be reminded that I am not the person I think I want to be on a regular basis and be free to be who I am.”

This post radically changed my life and made me evaluate what my bundt pan is. My bundt pan of the moment is scrap booking. I have a 3 drawer plastic rolling cart full of scrapbooks, card stock, weird scissors that cut designs, stickers, and no where in those drawers is a crafted or pieced together page.

Just as I start to feel inadequate I hear Elias call “Mommy!!!!!! Puthle!” from the living room and I realize that Josiah is growing heavy in my arms. Piecing together a puzzle on the floor with my toddler, and trying to keep the pieces out his brother mouth, are the moments that scrapbooks are made of. My desire is for my boys to have memory after memory of playtimes, story times, silliness and cuddles with their Mommy, and if they never have themed books of their childhood I hope that mere pictures will suffice.