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I work hard as a wife. I obsess about the Mom that I am and will someday become. I treasure my friends. I desperately miss our family. I am passionate about women's wellness issues. I indulge in good books, the internet, delicious food, and exercise.

I ignore the source of all of this goodness. The gifts He has given I think I somehow deserve. I even lust for more. I walk away from His voice. I challenge His will. I intentionally rebel. I fail to repent.

Yet, He remains. He's there when I cannot or will not call. He listens when I wail. He holds me when I'm void. He loves me enough to discipline me. He's strong when I quit.

This is the heart of an idolater. It is devastating to get a glimpse of who I am, and how I deny my Savior. I'm despaired because I have been here before.