As you can tell I have been changing my blog over the weekend, and it is because I plan on starting to blog more. Before I continued blogging I thought I would share my story.
For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things.
To Him be the glory forever. Amen."
I was born into a blue collar family in the suburbs of Detroit on May 3, 1982. My father was an injured steel worker, and my mother had been a waitress. Neither were prepared to raise a daughter.
Before I could learn his face, or know his ways, my father packed up a U-Haul and moved to California. My mother went through two engagements and three failed marriages before I turned 14. The adults I was exposed to had little restraint in their discipline, and less control with their impulses. My second step-father inherited a farm house in Central Illinois when I was 10, and we packed up with the opportunity.
Two months before my sixteenth birthday I was given a chance for a fresh start. After years of turmoil and abuse I was placed in the Illinois foster care system. I went to a temporary home, and then was placed with my wonderful Mom and family. My (foster) Mom is an inspiration, and pointed me towards Christ.
By the time I was 17 I realized that the Lord was wooing me, and I became a believer in Jesus Christ. It was a radical transformation, and I fell in love with a God I had previously rejected. Trusting Him in His unconditional love was, and still is, the biggest obstacle in my faith.
My people pleasing ways shifted towards what I thought a “good Christian” looked like. I joined a traveling ministry team, went to two Bible colleges, and served in many other ministries. Legalistic and idealistic, I lived under constant condemnation.
While attending the second Bible college, I met my husband Brandon. We were full of youthful lust and determined to cure it with marriage. For years I thought I was in a hurry to grow up, but what I've realized is that I was in a hurry to forget my past. Brandon and I passionately love and passionately fight, but my heart has always been set on God getting the glory from our marriage.
Shortly after getting married I was asked to be an apprentice midwife under Jane Gandy, CPM, a Godly midwife whom I respect and love. During my year with Jane I became passionate about the beauty of home and natural birthing, breastfeeding, and vaccine awareness. I didn't know that those interests were only the beginning of the journey towards a holistic lifestyle.
Our first child, Elias Xavier, was born ten days after our first anniversary. From the moment he was placed in my arms I knew that I would never understand my parents. An overwhelming and unexplainable love washed over me and my world was turned upside down.
Seventeen months later our second son, Josiah Nikolas, came into our lives. He was the best surprise that we never knew we wanted. On his second day I nursed him as I wept and welcomed him into my heart. The reality that God chose me to mother two beautiful boys became a lot for me to handle.
Shortly after Josiah's birth depression set in, but no one could know my struggle. I was determined to overcome what I perceived as weakness and persevere. Soon I would find myself unable to handle the most simple of tasks or the smallest stressors.
I found myself walking through the doors of a ministry called “Celebrate Recovery.” For the first time I felt I was able to admit I was weak, broken and wounded. God poured out His grace, and whispered His promises. I longed to actually become a part of the church we had only been attending, and it has been there that we have found true friendship and love.
On September 3, 2008 I gave birth to our beautiful little girl, Selah Raelle. Revelations of my Father's love began to flood my heart, and the realities of my own short-comings stared me in the face. She is a joy and has already taught me so much.
This is obviously a very abbreviated version of my testimony. My blogs should fill in some blanks. I pray that as I write about my past, my life, my joys and my struggles that others will be encouraged and that God will be exalted.